Q: What happens after you have sex with Michelle Obama? A: You wake up and kill yourself.

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What's worse than finding out that your dog has worms? Finding out that you have worms.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She has no arms. Knock Knock Who's there Not Sally Why can't Sally finish her ice cream She has no arms How do you fit Sally into a box? Put her in a blender. How do you get her out? A straw.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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What is the best part about having sex with tweny-six year olds. There are twenty of them. ap~pac

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What colour is an orange? Orange. What did you expect?

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Why wouldnt you want to hit a black man that is on a bike with your car? It mite be your bike

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What did one cow say to the other? Moo.

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what's worse, ten babies stapled to a tree or one baby stapled to ten trees?

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I don't believe in giraffes.

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joe: guess what. Bob: what. Joe: nothing I just wanted to talk

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whats black and yellow a chinese with a bruise

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What did the Dildo say to the banana? Nothing, unless you're high on acid.

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whats worse than the holocaust? i don't know, the holocaust was pretty bad.

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What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac over off a cliff? A Cadillac seats 5

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YOU MEAN SHE ACTUALLY EVER LIKED ME? WOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Anyway, tell her to contact me here, during the number of letters up there divided by a certain number you got over there, minus the letters here subtracted with the VEEEEEEERY same ammoooouuuuunt... Moral: God I need to invent a code system that makes me sound less like Jim Carrey on crack...

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A white man applies for a job two weeks later he finds out he lost the job to a hardworking Mexican who went to college and payed his debts

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What did the duck say when it saw a puddle? Nothing.Ducks are uncapable of speaking human speech.

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What did the farmer say when he finally found his tractor? "Wheres my tractor?" Oh ya he had alzheimers.

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(Pretend you're an orphan.) Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.

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What's the difference between an orange? A bicycle because a vest doesn't have any sleeves.

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How do you confuse a chicken? Paint yourself black and throw seeds at it.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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