the moment right after you finish the last harry potter and remember the world wasn't saved and you still have cancer

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The declaration of Independence was singed in? Pen.

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Whats the difference between a giraffe and an elephant. Ones a giraffe and ones and elephant

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Q: If a Hungarian boy grows up to be a very successful payroll manager and learns to love and hate, show compassion while firing someone, and how to re-image the entire white house's security system, how many pickles are in the doghouse? A: 17

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what do you call a mexican being baptized? a mexican becoming christian.

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What should you do when your husband is staggering in the back yard Shoot him again

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What's grey and doesn't climb trees? A car park.

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Why was the boy adopted........ because hes grandad

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I f**ked your mom last night. Will you marry me?

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How do you fit four elephants in a car ? Two in the front and two in the back

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knock knock? who's there? ivan ivan who? ivan. i want you to apologize for tooking their jobs the other day i said ivan who? i dont have a middle or last name

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Why are apathy,ignorance, and resentment alike? I dont know and I don't care to know.

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Why did the money due? Because it fell out of the tree

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Roses are Tits Violets are Tits I love Tits TITS!

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Always do, always will, I have overcome far worse, doctor told my mother when I was born (without a heartbeat) that I was dead, and if they somehow managed to get me breathing again (heart beating etc) I would have suffered so much brain damage that I would not have a concious mind, in other words I would never have been able to learn anything, not to speak nor to type... ...Gotta say I pretty much fucking disagree with the "good" old doctor, and for the record, my heart is as healthy as... Healthy can be I am ambidextrous, but because of this eyedrum mutant thing of mine, I cant tell left from right, because well, to my radar senses both are left and right. Sorry if I am not making much sense here, just bleed a bit out of my nose, had it been from my ears, things could have gotten ugly, but no, its all good.

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Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because you touch yourself at night.

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How did Doris respond to Uncle Monty's innapropriate chewing of her nose, ears and eyelids? She cut his head off, placed it an a saucepan, boiled and seasoned it, and then sold it to the middle east. The middle east were very grateful, and sent Doris a camel's penis as a thankyou gift.

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What do you call 5 white guys sitting on a bench? An effect of an overcrowded theme park

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Cody went to the store. Big Floppy Donkey Dick.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is dead. Dead people can't drive.

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-What's long, hard and full of semen? -Since this is a play on words both an erect penis and a naval submarine could apply here

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How many jews does it take to change a baby's diper? I don't know my wife will do it.

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A blind man walks into a bar No literally he does, he has a guide dog and everything, he's a capable member of society, don't be rude.

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24

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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