How do you stop a dog from digging up your garden? Every time it does so, shout at the dog so it knows it has misbehaved. Keep doing this and the dog will eventually understand the error of its ways.

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Is that a banana in your pocket, or do you just have an erection?

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I have to tell yo people a story and you have to answer it. Q/S(Story):There once was a boy by the name of aids. He had aids because he had aids. He dad had aids, his mom had aids his whole family had aids. How did he die? A: He got hit by a bus you heartlest basterd.

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LO LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOPLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOO O O O O O O OLO LOL OL O LO LO LO L OL O LO LO L OL O LO L OL O LO LO L OL OL O LO LO L OL OL OL O LO L OL OL O L OL OLLOLOLLOL OL O LO LO L OL OL O

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Geeks have girlfriends...................... . . . I MEAN alien friends (geeks are losers and you decide your a geek or not)

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That awkward moment when the moment is awkward.

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What do you do at a club? You club.

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There were two friends, a girl and a boy. The girl had a ribbon tied to her neck, and every day the boy asked her why, yet she'd never tell him. They grew up together, and fell in love and still, she wouldn't tell him why she had the ribbon on her neck. They got married, and grew old, and still she wouldn't tell him. But one day, she said to him 'I'll show you why I keep this on my neck' and she took it off and her head fell off.

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A man walks into a bar, and sees another man with a huge orange head. He asks the bartender, "Do you know why that man has such a huge orange head?" The bartender replies: I dont know, maybe if you buy him a drink he'll tell you. So that man walks over to the man with a huge orange head and buys him a drink. He says to him: Excuse me, sir but why do you have a big orange head? The man with the big orange head replies: Well, one day I was walking along the beach and I found an interesting bottle. So I opened it and out popped a genie. He told me I had three wishes. The first thing I asked for was to have all the money that I wanted, and the means to get more. Suddenly, My pockets were overflowing with cash. So then I wished for the most beautiful, perfect woman ever created and there she appeared in front of me, and we immediately fell in love. The third thing I asked for was a huge orange head.

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A Jew,Spiderman and The Incredible Hulk all jump off the top of the Empire State Building,who hits the ground first? The Jew because the other two dont exist

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My grandma told me to always keep my head up and just keep going. She fell down a manhole last week and died.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? A. From a catalogue.

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A Scotsman, an Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bar... They enjoy their drinks and leave.

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The new Minons film reminds me of most foreign films.. You can't undertand a fucking word they say and they're all yellow

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What did one wall say to the other? Nothing. Walls can't talk.

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There are two muffins in an oven. Since they are inanimate objects, they do nothing but sit there and bake until they are a golden brown color, at which point a man takes them out of the oven and eats them for breakfast.

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What do you call a college student who never studies? An irresponsible person

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Whats funnier than a guy in a wheelchair? A guy on the floor squirming to get back in his wheelchair.

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knock knock whos there i have Alzheimer's I have Alzheimer's who Cream cheese

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Why is Skrillex so bad a fishing? He has Parkinson's Disease

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Q: what's green and fluffy? A: green fluff

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Q.Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A.Because chickens weren't invented then.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The IRS. You've been convicted of tax evasion.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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