This is not funny.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Not lying Red, I have my contacts, I am a "facilitator", I pull strings for my employers, and sure the FBI has me on their files, after all we have cooperated with them. Not because I wanted to, but because its my job, and it helps me use the best of my abilities and limited education (I am technically an educated lawyer, and not an agent).

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How do you steal candy from a baby? You ask nicely.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How do you get a tissue to dance. You don't.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Where's Waldo? In rehab. Waldo is in rehab.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why didn't the chicken cross the road... because it got hit by a truck

thumb_up thumb_down -2

5 Italian guys from Long Island

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q:How do u kill a butcher A: Kill its family

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what's the difference between a duck?

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call a black man approaching your car in uniform whose name happens to be Darius? Officer Darius.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A horse shits himself SHITLESS!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What kind of toy do you give to a dead baby? A death rattle.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you get when you combine a baby and a chainsaw? 30 years to to life in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the sperm cross the road? It didn't, as sperm cells have tails not legs, and are therefore incapable of crossing roads.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the salamander, macaroni and cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what do u call a fat guy in a pool u

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are Red Violets are Blue In Soviet Russia Poem tells You -Ben

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did Jimmy's mom cry? She got stabbed in the arm and was suffering while bleeding to death.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How many Mexicans does it take to screw a lightbulb? None, they couldn't cross the border.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A sloth walked into the dentists he was confused

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Hi, my name is Jake.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops