Why did the Football Coach go to the Bank?? To Cash his Paycheck.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Roses are red Zombies are hungry and blue My brain is half-eaten And what about you?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How many clowns fit in a car? Depends how many get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What do a Nazi and a Democrat have in common? They are both members of a highly supported political faction.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Rishi has popcorn while wass n jess r making jokes on anti jokes

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What does water smell like? water.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Woman + Kitchen = sandwich

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Turkeys are obese

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What is green and fuzzy and can kill you when it falls out of a tree A pooltable

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Q: Why shouldn't you throw rocks at a black guy on a bike? A: Because he could sustain serious injury if a rock hits him in the head, not to mention it is extremely rude.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

-How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? -Probably a decent amount.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

why the chicken cross the road? because he just committed 3rd degree murder and was try'in to commit suicide

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What happened when the nigga looked up his family tree? A gorilla shit in his face

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did Ian pass his CRB check? Because he committed his crimes on holiday

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are best friends and go shopping together.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Women are like fish. It's hard to tell when they are crying underwater.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What happed when the homeless shelter went out of business? -Everyone went hungry and died.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

why did graeme go to olivias house to do fun things

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did the middle-eastern man fly his plane into the Empire State Building? Because he was a bad pilot with an interest in American architecture.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What do you call a child with a peg leg, and eye patch, and no hand? Names

thumb_up thumb_down -22

fuck you you punkass piece of shit I hope you burn in my uncle's titties and ass rape yourself while screaming "make it stop!'. Then, I hope that you take a titanic needle and shove it up your lower kidney until it tears open and all your bodily fluids spill out into an ocean of shit. Also, I have 73 balls with a ballsack for each ball. So, I have 73 ballsacks.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A man walks into a pizza place and orders a pizza. When he got the pizza, he saw it had pepporonis on it. He liked that, so he ate the pizza.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops