If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I am a mime

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the wife get her husband after they had intercourse? A sandwich, because she loved him and knew he was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

a black man walks out of popeyes

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Whats worse than finding a worm in an apple? Getting shot in the gut What's worse than that? Getting raped in the hole made by the bullet

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Person 1: what is 2 + 2? Person 2: 4 Person 1: no Person 2: what is it than? Person 1: vagina

thumb_up thumb_down -9

a man walks into a bar with a poodle stuffed halfway up his rectum... WHY ARE YOU WAITING FOR A PUNCHLINE!? MY GOD! THIS MAN HAS A DOG UP HIS ANUS!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A fat black guy walks into a pet store and asks if he can have a chicken. The cashier says "what do you want a chicken for?" He says " I need to lose weight so I'm hoping to eat its all natural eggs" So the cashier gives him the chicken and the fat black guy lost 50 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do gamer see in his nightmare? a peasant build 4 houses and gets stuck between them.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

PSP its a nut you can play... Outside...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q.sam is 18 years old, why can't she get her licence? A.because Sam is a lost dog on the street

thumb_up thumb_down -9

drugs sex and alchohole are yumme as AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Pigachu is a Porkemon.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: What did they call the dude who was stuck on a deserted island? A: Incontinent.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Naturally I meant to say "Its no fun even when they DO scream in pain" below... What do you think I got? Pleasure? Your friendly r*pist Moral Man: Of course I got pleasure! ;) But I wont share with you!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What the the newly born male dog get for his first birthday? A loss of two testicles.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what's the difference between your grandmother and a dead squirrel? Technically, if you burn them both, your grandmother will produce more ash, but apart from that, they are both useless pieces of carbon.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

your mom is so fat she is at high risk of a future heart attack and should be taken to a cardiologist

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a guy with aids? Your dad

thumb_up thumb_down -11

The bartender says "We don't serve time travellers here". Two time travellers walk into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Life is like a bucket of wood shavings. Except when they're in a pail. Then it's like a pail of wood shavings.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What has four wheels and flies? A pile of poop that's on four wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

knock knock There's no door

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's bigger than a horse ? An elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops