There are 2 muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin says "Damn, it's getting hot in here." The other muffing replies "Holy Shit! A Talking Muffin!"

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Why does a ginger have no friends? Because it is a non sentient horizontal stem used for seasoning food, and thus incapable of forming complex social and emotional bonds with conscious organisms.

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How many armless people does it take to change a lightbulb? I dunno, that's why I asked you... Hello?

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? To get to the other side.

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How do you keep a dummy in suspense for 24 hours? Tell him his wife suffered from a severe concussion and that he'll have to wait until morning to see if she's okay

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What do you call a cat up a tree in a party hat? A cat up a tree with a party hat

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in an open hole Poor body disposal practice

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Boy: Hey girl see these arms? They are just dying to be wrapped around you! She stabs him dead End of story

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This is on of those few moments where my guts and attitude leave me feeling as if the entire world is against me... ...Then I cant help but to smirk and think... The world against me? Finally a worthy challenge... Such a great day... Nero because fuck morals: Friends and not so friends do not call me Black Metal because I listen to power rock, my mother high on drugs attacked my wife claiming she was Satan, I killed my angel dust empowered mother, felt as if the world was against me... ...Such a great day... "I killed my father too but you dont hear me whining about it!" And of course... ...Rest in pieces oh "dear" mother", at least you did one good thing, you gave birth to your undertaker, while I killed you to end my lifelong misery, My only regret is ending yours... Now I request you all think I am a monster and pretend we live in a world where all parents are nice and good... You already deluded yourself? Perhaps you should thumb me up instead then.

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Knock-knock? Who's there? I... I dunno I was planning on thinking of a joke before you said who's there, but I ran out of time.

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Well... My reputation is still kinda exaggerated apparently. What you experienced is called astral projection, some people claim it is the same as lucid dreaming, I beg to differ, the difference is vast. You basically just admitted that people believe much more in you, than you believe in yourself, without believing hypnosis does not work, people are like "bah its just suggestions", its true, but underestimating the power of suggestions is a pretty bad call.

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What's more horrible than Twilight? Hitler.

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A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I don't know what to do! One day I'm a wig wam, the other day I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee again!" The doctor sighs and replies,"Sir, we've been over this. You have stage four periodic cancer."

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A man was arguing with his wife over the phone at a trainstation. She threatened to leave him he did not stop his physical abuse. The man became so mad he hung up the phone. He then noticed a blind man was grinning at the overheard discussion. The husband walked over and pushed the blind man on the tracks. He died

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if you have two gay people, would their kid be gay too? oh wait....

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There once was a plain Cheerio. He has a decent life with a low paying job and an apartment. One day, he decided to make his life more fun and started going to parties. He met some women and had a good time. He was happier and was soon promoted at work. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself, only to discover that he was now a Honey-nut Cheerio. He continued to go to parties and met a girl that eventually became his girlfriend. He became a manager at work and moved into an expensive condo. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself and was a Frosted Cheerio. He then quit his job and opened a club, where he became the most popular Cheerio in town. All guys wanted to be him, girls with him. At one party, his girlfriend asked him for some punch. He went to the kitchen but couldn't find any. There was no punch-line.

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What's better than a gold brick? 2 gold bricks.

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In Soviet Russia it's pretty cold.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Playing Jenga on September 11th.

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Q: Why did the white man die? A: because he had cancer

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A man walks into a bar. Realizing he forgot his ID, he leaves.

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4 hours later.

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"Roll back into the kitchen and imagine me a sandwich!" yelled the abusive husband to his paraplegic wife.

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knock knock , who is there the postman the postman who ? the postman who is gonna give you a bill !

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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