- Anti Joke

What do vampires cross the sea in?

Why did Helen Kellers dog run away? It didn't. She did not own a dog.

What did the rake say to the shovel? Nothing, they're both inanimate objects.

You are so ugly that when u were born, your mom was unable to breast-feed you because she would have to look at your face to do so.

Yo mama is so stupid that she is currently taking courses in a community college to get her degree in business so she can have a well-paying job.

''In Austin, Texas, President Obama told an audience, 'If you want to go forward you put your car in 'D.' If you want to go backward, you put your car in 'R.'' But you know something? Either way, the economy is still F'd.''

What happens when a right turn is finally made in NASCAR? The driver has successfully changed his tires and has been refueled, now he is pulling out of pit lane.

What did the parakeet say to the grapefruit? Nothing. Parakeets can't speak.

what do you call a black man in the dark? missing.

Q. What happened to the kid with 1 arm and 1 leg and 1 arm and 1 leg A. He had a seisure, then got hit by a bus

why did the Mexican shoot himself? because his wife miscarried, hung herself, and his oldest brother had cancer. also when he was 5, his parents died in a car accident, leaving his abusive uncle to care for him. he also had erectile dysfunction which caused him severe pain. did i mention he was an illegal, homeless immigrant who was addicted to methamphedimine and owed several million dollars to a man who repeatedly raped him anally? he was.

Q: whats worse that sucking at piano A: the world blowing up

We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you (Ooh, give you up) (Ooh, give you up) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

A priest, a jew, and a pirate walk into a bar. An exchange of dialogue occurs with the bartender and hilarity ensues.

Now this bible thing, is a real anti joke so get ready to have your faith tested, and overcome it: There was that story where God charged against an army at the top of some mountains, the army is told to have been led with God personally at the front rank right? But they lost because the enemy had horse wagons (you know what I mean) made of steel or iron, (does not matter what it is if you ask yourself really) I mean even if it was Metatron, he would have had uh... Wings or something to even the odds, Maybe God is like Raiden from Mortal Kombat, he needs to become a Mortal in order to enter fights on earth... MORTAL KOMBAAAT! I mean God made humans humans made Sin (gotta say we get the blame for a lot of shit others did, I hate apples and cant even stand the smell of them for once, never ate one)

Covert trance, black Ops, and something I kinda made up myself. The first two are basically using suggestions without the victim being aware of it, that is how that famous bank robber that just asks nicely for all the cash and gets it succeeds. The other is tricking the "allmighty" subconcious and again, my own invention people claim its called "this and that", I know, because I coined most of the terms. Anyway, you put people into a deep state of trance, you tell them to take a step forward into the sea, and well, you actually led them down the top of a skyscraper or something fun... "Now... Suck on the lollipop I have between my, okay ill stop"

What's the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain? So YOU'RE the one!

What do you call Charlie Sheen when he's on drugs? Charlie Sheen.

Why did little john fall off his bike? Somebody threw microwave oven at him.

Hitler and Jews become friends.

Your playing NBA 2k12 and some one steals the man your covering and you scream "THAT'S MY MAN!" what sounds wrong in this situation?

i stole a monkey from a man in a yellow hat his name is george now his name is i hate you

It's not illegal, it's just frowned upon... like... masterbating on an airplane.

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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