Q: What do you call Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. A: two things: Their names, and a doctor because they are both in need of a nutritionist.

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whats long ,hard and full of sea men ? a sumureen

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Whats the difference between 10 dead babies and 8 dead babies? 2 dead babies.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do you care?

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Knock, Knock. Lol jk, we all know knock knock jokes fricken suck.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I've got Alzheimer's Cheese on toast

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get surgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What do you call a magic owl? HOODINI only some will get it...

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Suzie was in a traumatizing accident resulting in her arms getting cut off. Knock Knock? Whos There? Not Suzie.

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What's worse than being single on Valentine's Day? Finding out your son has AIDS.

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What do you do to get someone to shut up? You hit with a brick

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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? A one-way ticket to Hell for messing with God's creations, you heathen!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because it looked both ways and saw no cars coming.

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Why did the old man drop his milk? He had a stroke.

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Why did old Dorris shit herself? Because Margaret fell over.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza has cheese on it.

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What do you call something that lives in a pineapple under the sea? I don't know, but that seems like an improbable circumstance.

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Q. What did the toothbrush say to the toothpaste A. Nothing you idiot there inanimate objects they can't talk

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how do you save a black person that's drowning? you blow up their lips

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How do you change your dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

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What did one banana say to the other banana? Answer: It didnt say anything because bananas are inanimate objects, so it isn't humanly possible for a banana to speak.

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-What animal has the best vision? -I hate when you try to talk dirty during sex

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What's red and bad for you teeth. A brick

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Why do jews love money so much? Because money is very valuable and everyone loves it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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