What do you call a kid with no friends? ....a Sandy Hook survivor

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How do you get a woman to stop nagging? Smack her in the face.

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Billy: Hey hey hey!!!!! wanna hear a dirty joke? Joe: Sure Billy: A pig fell in the mud

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How do u wake up lady gaga You go into her room and yell at her

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What is the worst part about eating a vegetable? Eating the wheelchair too.

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When life gives you gators, make Gatorade.

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A bunch of nuns were riding a three-seat bicycle. The seats were comfy and no one complained.

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Jenny tried out for the school play. She got a callback the next day. Her father had died.

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Whats black, white, and Asian all at the same time? A panda

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Why did my toaster break? because it was made in china

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How many Haitians does it take to change a lightbulb? Typically one, unless the light bulb referenced is in an inconvenient location or is over-sized / industrial grade.

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Waiter, there is a hydrogen conducting carbon nanotube in my soup. That is part of the special, sir.

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Two women get in the shower at the same time, because they both start work at 8:00am and have commutes of similar length.

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The worst part of waking up, Is no Folgers in your cup.

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mike:what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas tom:cancer ahahahaha mike:he got a skateboard jerk nararrator: this skate board will be worth less because he has no legs

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If I had a nickel for every time I heard that... I'd most likely have no money as I would spend it all on cocaine.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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How do you get a one armed clown out of a tree? Hit it in the face with an axe.

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What do men like most of all? Let's not lie, BOOBIES!

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I saw Scarface uncut last weekend. It was called Face

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Im batman...suck it losers

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face" To which the horse replies by trampling him to death for making rude remarks about his face.

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Why cant African children read? While there are many contributing factors the largest would probably be the lack of a standardized education system mainly due to the logistical factors involved in reaching so many wide spread communities. Also the current economic climate and general disregard for civilians by the governments in these area would suggest that the states' focus would be on other issues besides the welfare of their citizens, this is probably similar to other countries in similar situations such as middle eastern, eastern european, and latin and south america. Then again, not really being educated on this issue in almost any way, has probably contributed to a broad generalization, and so the premise of this joke is most likely flawed in any case.

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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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