What do astronauts do if the want a party? They planet

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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What's purple and green and has a criminal record including two counts of armed robbery, five counts of possession with intent to sell, one count of attempted murder, several citations for underage drinking, and a parking ticket? Barney, but ignore all that other stuff. His record was expunged.

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A black man got sentenced go prison for stealing a car. He didn't do it.

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The only difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is the taste.

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Q: What did the black guy say to the white guy? A: Nothing, he's a mute.

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Life is like a box of chocolates, quite strange to enjoy when you're single.

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how do u get a bonar? u look at your mum!!

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How did Clumsy Clearance eat shit? He was in the Human Centipede.

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How can you tell a blonde a brunette and a red head apart? Ask them if that is their natural hair color.

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How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb none, because chickens do not have opposable thumbs,therefore prevents them from preforming such a remedial task.

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Why do men not get cullulite? Because it's ugly.

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Chuck Norris once stared in a show called Walker: Texas Ranger.

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A Black man walks into a gay bar. He has a great time because he is perfectly content with his sexuality.

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Simon walks into a bar. He orders his favorite beer. The bartender says "Hey Simon, I see you're back with the usual, aye?" Simon says "Touch you tongue to your elbow." The bartender couldn't do it.

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What happened when my familys break on the car didn't work? They rolled down a hill and fell off a cliff and died. I loved them.

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Whats green and fluffy? Your mom.

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its's not rape if you yell "suprise!"

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Why was the blonde staring at the bottle of orange juice? She was reading the nutrition facts, as she was trying to watch her weight.

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What's the difference between Jordan and Time? Time passes!!

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What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gangrape

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why did nick leave school? bECAUSE HE WAS RETARDED

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, He has died, And now will you,

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i like my coffee like i like my women ... with big titis

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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