How do you get a dog to obey your rules?¿¿? Threaten to beat it with a rod!¡!

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I can't remember if I have Azheimer's or not.

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How many ecotards does it take to change a light globe? Ve Vill Change all ze light globes to use;less grey vuns and you vill luv it or else ve vill kill you to save ze planet

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Why did Jimmy cross the road? Because a chicken was about to cross the road, and he wanted to be kind and help the old 72-aged chicken get across the road. Because Jimmy had a grandfather that passed away because he was too old and nobody helped him cross the road. Jimmy is haunted by that memory and doesn't want that to happen to anyone else. Especially a chicken.... Also there were no cars and his best friend chicken was on the other side waiting for him.

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Whats the opposite of red? Fish!

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how do you make time fly? throw a clock out a window.

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What do you do when you walk downstairs and see your TV floating? Call Ghostbusters.

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Why was the nympho sweating in the park? Because they were having sex on the bench.

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Knock knock. Who's there? I am. I am who? I am pregnant.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They were baked until the baker them until they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. After being told politely that Big Macs were served at McDonald's and not Burger King, he walked out and drove to the nearest McDonald's.

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what do michael Jackson and little boys do in the dark alone? they turn on the flashlight

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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A: Where does a cow go on the weekends? B: To the mooooovies? A: No, to the slaughterhouse.

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What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and my cousins? Nothing.

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What did Mr. Pazdzioch and Mr. Hahn and Mr. Fishers big ass do for fun? Ate Mr. Kilgores shit at shin-go-beek jamboree.

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Two attractive women were getting ready to visit the gym. On the way there, they stopped at a local sports store to purchase some new shorts, and they got it at a good discount price

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Have you heard about the angry chef? He beat his children

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waiter! waiter! theres a fly in my soup! the waiter immediately retrieved a new soup and gave them a 50% discount for the misshap.

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what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? we are both lawyers

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're adopted.

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What would Steve Jobs be doing if he were alive today? Dying.

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What did one gothic person say to another gothic person? Nothing. Gothic people only cut themselves.

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A platypus walks into a bar, and was the only mammal in the building capable of laying an egg.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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