Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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What is worse than torturing, "forcibly penetrate" and then slowly and painfully kill nine billion people? The Holocaust?

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—Conversation started today— My God, why have you forsaken me? Seen 6:00 PM

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What did the boy with no parents get for Christmas from his Grampa? Nothing because his Grampa had alzheimer's disease -Flap

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Why did the plane crash? Chuck Norris was sitting in it, and thus his weight was countless times larger than the lift force of the plane.

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How do you make a person dissapear? You can't that would break the laws of physics, so therefore rendered impossibe.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 had two penises.

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My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender can you throw me a beer and the bartender says yes and he throws him the beer and the man says I can't catch I have the smallest hands in the world and the bartender says go across the street there is a guineas book of world record store an check if you h e the smallest hands and he does so the next day he goes back and asks for another beer and the bartender throws him a beer and say I cant catch cause I have the smallest feet in the world and he goes across the street and checks and he does and then the third day he goes back to the bar and asks for a beer and the bartendor throws him another beer and says I can't catch I have the smallest penis in the world so he goes to the guiness book o world record store and then goes bac to the bar and asks..... Who's austin bell?????

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John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has a really long name.

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jack and jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water. jack fell down and broke his ankle and neck severely. jack and jill were taken away from their parents by child services, and their parents are charged for child endangerment and child labor.

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Why couldn't the mother make her son's funeral? She died in a car crash on the way there.

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A blonde was very smart, and nobody made fun of her when she sometimes made small mistakes like every other person regardless of hair color.

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What's the difference between a book and a house? Their names

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, but if the ladder is shaky, you might need another to hold it up.

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why did little johnny start choking? because somebody shoved a bag down his throat

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Q: How do you make an onion cry? A: You can't, it's an onion.

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What's as hard as a rock? A rock

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a dyslexic man walked his god.

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What came first, the chicken or the egg? The chicken. The chicken always comes first, that's why the egg never comes at all.

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What do you call a Muslim flying an airplane? A pilot, what did you think it was? F**king Racist dumbass

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why was the boy sad he had a frog stapled to his face

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I have existed for over 6000 years and around vi0lating people long before you where ever born kid... You do not believe me you say? friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man: You do not believe me? According to this DNA test... Welcome to papa son/daughter... Its time to make you a man/woman now, and then TIME TO MAKE YOU my BlTCH!

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How did the black man burn down the house. He threw a flaming match through the window.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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