Three men walk in to a bar, One ducked

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Q: Why was the child sad? A: because a doctor was taking bullet fragments out of his chest.

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What comes after 7? Pedophiles.

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Why was the woman worried? She was coughing up blood

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whats funny about four dead horses in a park ? the horses are dead!

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Q: what's worse then stubing yout toe? A: getting raped by godzilla

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What's worse than dropping your loli-pop? The Holocaust

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What do you get when you mate a rhino with an elephant? Nothing. This mating cannot produce offspring.

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Whats the difference between a baby in a comma and an iPod? I actually use the baby.

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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what is the difference between hitler and the jews? They had different religions

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One day a baby hit himself on the head with a stuffed animal. I lied, it was a brick, so he died.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was baked.

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Why did Hellen Keller drive off of the cliff? Because she is a woman.

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Knock knock Who’s there? The police, your family was killed in a horrific car crash on highway 22 this morning at 10:15 after they collided head on with a truck. They died instantly if it is any conciliation. We will contact you further into our investigation. Dave then poured himself a whiskey and thought about all the good times he and his family shared, teaching Jessica to ride a bike, his and Kate’s honeymoon in Honolulu, playing catch with Jacob. That’s when the full extremity of the situation hit Dave causing him to break into tears he sat and cried for three hours and fifteen minutes. Once he had gotten that out of his system he decided to visit his mother and tell her the horrible news. Knock Knock Who’s there? Dave Dave who? Again Dave breaks into tears as his grandmothers althsiemers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember her sons name. Feeling shattered he decides not to go through the process of explaining who he is and decides to head to the local pub to drown his sorrows. Bartender: hard day? Dave: my wife and two beautiful children were mauled in a head on collision with a truck and my mother can’t remember who I am. Bartender: yeah sure but was it a hard day? Dumbstruck with this ridiculous remark Dave pauses for a moment. The bar is silent only the sounds of bottles clinking and feet tapping on bar stools can be heard. Cigarette smoke hangs in the air. Dave stares at the bartender momentarily then throws his bottle at him send him off balance Dave then grabs the shot gun he knows the bartender keeps behind the counter and shoots the bartender at point blank range. Some customers run scared witless other try to control Dave but only end up in the same position as the bartender. Dave is left standing in a pool of blood. The smell of death hangs in the air with the cigarette smoke. Feeling slightly better Dave heads home and kills himself. Dave was an excellent plumber we will miss him.

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There is a Asian a black guy and a white guy the black guy loves apples the white guy loves pears and the Asian loves Macaroni the white guy gets a apple the black guy gets a pear and the Asian has no lunch so the black guy kills the white guy for the apple and the Asian kills the black guy because he is hungry

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A guy walks up to his boy and tells him, "Hey, if you don't stop masturbating you'll go blind." The boy says, "Who are you? Your not my father."

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Why was there no girl on the swing set? She decided to get off of the swings.

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In America you read books, but in Soviet Russia, it's exactly the same as it is in America, because it's not possible for books to read humans.

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What's worse than falling out of a tree and landing on a dog? Rape.

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What's the best thing about twenty three year olds? there are twenty of them

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roses are red poo is poo

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How do you keep a black man from hanging around your tree? You cut the rope.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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