My dad calls me a son of a bitch and I'm like "hey! You married her"

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the wife scream when she saw her husband? Because he was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q: What would happen if Chuck Norris was hit by an Astroid A: He would die.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Situation: 2 cows eating grass on a warm Sunday night. Question: Why does 9+4=3 1/2? Answer: 69!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many Terry Pratchetts does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why dont you hit a black kid on a bike? its probably your bike.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What happened to the guy that got hit by a bus? He got hit by a bus and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you get when you put a blue bucket in the red sea? it gets wet

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the baby crying? Because he was tied to a railroad track. How did the baby die? He had a bomb strapped to him. How did the bomb explode? It got ran over by a train.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's Brown and Sticky? A Stick

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? He said : "where's my tractor?!"

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What is the difference between a black man and a piece of fried chicken? Fried chicken is a breaded meal that is high in calories whereas a black man is an unedible human being with feelings.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red Violets are blue Today is Valentines Day I am depressed

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Your mum is so ugly that i make jokes about how ugly she is

thumb_up thumb_down +15

The Below statement is an antijoke. The Above statement is a joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What would a gay, transgender, mexican man say to another? We could have butt sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the man say to the man with no head? You have no head

thumb_up thumb_down +15

1 little monkey jumping on the bed, he fell off and hit his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said, "Your son died of a concussion."

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did one cat say to the other cat? --------- Meow --------- What's pink and fluffy? --------- Pink fluff --------- What's green and yellow? --------- Grass. I lied about the yellow part.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

There was 3 friends named Crap, Manners, and Shut up. They all had mental mothers.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops