My grandma has this joke where she says "knock knock." I say "who's there?" She says "I can't remember" and starts to cry

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

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What do you call a gay kid, a horrible singer, and has long hair for a guy? Justin Bieber

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why did andy wake up this morning. because he wasnt tired anymore

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Why doesn't Austin have sex? Because when his wife gets hot he puts dirt on her and hits her with a shovel

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito is a common insect in the family Culicidae. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapien, a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans

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Hey i just met you and this is crazy, but heres my gamertag so party up maybe?

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What happened when the Asian girl got a B on her report card? She committed suicide

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What do you call a man with no arms in the middle of the ocean? Mike.

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How do you make an egg laugh? That is an irrational question eggs are inanimate object and are unable to laugh

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why are black people always so funny because they think of funny jokes

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A man is eating in a restaurant and says, "Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!" The waiter says, "I'm sorry, can I bring you some salad instead?"

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i quit soccer because science happened and then i forgot how to screw in a lightbulb

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mary poppins' handbag is full of fuckin dick

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Q: What's black and hangs from a tree? A: A tire swing.

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your moma is sao fat that she is gay . nope im sorry thats just mean.

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Why did Sally fly off the swing, She had no arms Knock knock *Who's there* Not Sally

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What Did Gretel say to Hansel? Stop having sex with Ariana Grande!

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An Australian man walking in Manhattan is approached by another man who pulls out a switchblade and says, "give me your wallet or I'll stab you with this knife!" The Australian man hands over his wallet. A nearby police officer witnesses this the last moment of the mugging, arrests the criminal and returns the Australian's belongings.

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Roses are rose, violets are violet, that's just a fact, I've got aspergers.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To run away from the slaughter house.

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A Sodium atom walks into a bar. A Chlorine atom bumps into it, taking the electron, then making a bond. Suddenly, the police come in. They arrest the Chlorine atom, of course, but they also arrest the Sodium atom. He says, "what did I do?" The policemen say, "you're too ugly to be out in public."

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Q: Why God never got a PhD? A: 1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English. 3. It has no references. 4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal. 5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing. 10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son to teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

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A gay man goes out with a butch lesbian and develops a loving relationship, years later they get married and have kids, adopting them from the local orphanage and lives happily ever after.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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