What's black and white and red all over? A black, white, and red shirt.

What do you hear when you put your foot on a man's ear? A man saying, "WTF are you doing?!"

whats long hard and full of seamen? a submarine.

How do you confuse an English Professor? Light your pants on fire and flop around like a fish.

How do you get a person to jump off a cliff? You push them.

You have small feet Do you know what small feet mean Small shoes

What did the man with candy say to the little boy? I have Candy.

What did Hitler say to the Nazis? I have a mustache.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill.

How did the Mexican get across the boarder? He applied for a student visa. He was a promising young scholar who had no trouble being accepted to a prestigious college.

Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the monkey

Why did the monk shave his head? So he's more aerodynamic.

What do you call a white guy sitting on a bench? The NBA.

whats the difference between a baby and an onion? no one cries when u chop up a baby.

Q. What happened to the dog when he was kick in the privates? A. Nothing he was neutered a year ago.

What is black and blue and red all over? A woman that just learned a valuable lesson.

what do you call the breaching of the anal cavity with a penis? butt sex

why did the feminist cross the road? to suck a dick

what would happen if every overweight person in america jumped at the same time? they would all get a little exercise.

i saw amango it splootered

What do you call a person driving a plane? Not a pilot, they fly planes.

Why was the dentist sent to jail? Because he committed a crime.

An ant tries to climb and sit on a tube. It couldn't. Do you get it? … I don't either.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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