What did the dog say to the mailman? Woof.

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What did Jesus say to the jews? Fuck you.

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A blind man walked into a bar. Quite literally.

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what's the difference between a pound of liver and vomit? £3.24

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i just cant stand up to cripple jokes

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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You are so dumb that you receive poor grades in school.

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What was going through the man's head on the 51st floor when the first plane hit? The 52nd floor.

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'How do you make a plumber cry? Buy him a belt for Christmas.

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What did the man do with the naked baby girl? He put some clothes on her and proceded to lay her down for a nap.

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How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

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How does Batman's mother call him to dinner? She doesn't, she's dead.

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Knock Knock... Who's there? Nine... Nine who? Nine Eleven.

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Why was the little boy sad? Both of his parents died in a tragic car accident.

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What did the man say to the other man. Hi

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A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. The Black woman said, "Oh, den I uses the middle names."

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm a fish out of water. Help me I'm suffocating.

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A man walk's into a bar with a monkey, I fotgot the rest of the joke. Your mom is a whore.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had gotten out of its coop.

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A Japanese Nuclear Scientist goes to the swimming pool, and buys a ticket. He went to the changing rooms and proceeded to have a lovely bit of exercise, which helped him burn off the calories from his carbohydrate based luncheon.

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why did Dayrl win the wheelchair race? Because he had working legs.

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a man was cooking a tortilla. what did he say when he dropped it while flipping the tortilla? oops i dropped my tortilla

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roses are red violets are blue you smell like poo I F*****G HATE YOU!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But this one doesn't.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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