How many cows does it take to swim on land? 4.2

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What do you call thousands of people running through london? The marathon

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how did sally die? she starved because she cant get in to get the nuggets.

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A priest, a rabbi and a scientologist walk into a bar. They discuss their various religious viewpoints until the scientologist gets a call informing him of his mother's death. The priest buys him a drink. Then the priest gets a call informing him of his mothers death. The rabbi buys him a drink. The rabbi gets a call. The scientologist expects it to be about the rabbi's mother dying, so he prematurely buys him a drink. It was actually the lottery commission telling the rabbi he won 48 million dollars.

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what looks, smells, and sounds like red paint? blue paint, I lied about it being red

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Q: why do orphans always go hard? A: because the can never go home.

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A man and a woman walk into a bar... They both die from cerebral hemorrhages.

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A man walks into a bar and then, after a relatively short period of time, walks out of the bar.

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How many chickens did Moses bring to the ark? 2

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What is a pirates favorite crime? Piracy, which is still a serious problem in today's society.

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How many midgets does it take to change a light bulb? If you do the math, it's probably one.

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a man walked into a bar, sat down and had a drink with his friends.

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A couple elopes in Vegas. The next morning while eating breakfast the woman tells her husband she thinks it was a mistake, using her alcoholism as an excuse for her inability to make practical decisions. The man proceeded to cry and called his attorney to arrangea proper divorce.

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What did the Asian say to his racist friend? You're racist

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Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. Bartender asks her, "why the long face?". She tells him it's from her parent's genes.

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Q: What causes earthquakes? A: Your mother walking.

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HOREY SHIT!! OMFG!! I win? Yeah I think so.. Wait. Why am I talking to myself.. Aww not again.. My doctor warned me about this.. D:

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Where was the Decoration Of Independence Signed? At the bottom.

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What did the blind man say to his wife? -would you mind helping me upstairs, for I cannot see.

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What is funny about civil and women's rights? Nothing, they are very serious matters.

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Repeat after me: Silk, Silk, Silk, What's the square root of 465?

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OMG I JUST FOUND THE GREATEST WEBSITE YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CHECK IT OUT OMG ITS http://anti-joke.com/submit

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What did Tarzan shout when he saw the elephants coming? "Here come the elephants!"

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What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the user is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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