Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I also happen suffer from multiple personality disorder. Schizophrenia refers to separation of mental functions, manifesting in anti-social behavior and delusions, and is unrelated to the separate disorder of dissociative identity disorder, popularly known as multiple personality disorder, characterized by at least two distinct and enduring identities and dissociated personality states. Both are crippling to normal behavior and function due to lack of public awareness and funding. Now get out of our ghost train or we'll cut you.

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The man goes to the doctor after just losing his job because his company went under because of the econmic crisis. His house is being foreclosed because without the money from his job he can't afford to pay for his house. His girlfriend also just left him because of recent conflicts about money and she was looking forward to having a family and with him jobless it was just out of the question. Man:"Doctor I could really use some good news" Doctor:"You have aids"

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A woman has sex with an Asian man, then a white man, and then a black man. She chooses to be in a relationship with the black man because he is prepared for the responsibilities of a relationship and the other two men, though both are well endowed, are not ready.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? An ambulance.

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Why was little Jimmy sad? Because his mum died.

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A farmer accidentally trips his wife. She falls down the stairs and the farmer is quickly arrested for murder.

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Why do birds suddenly appear? Because they can fly

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What did John say to Tim Hi I'm John

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Windows are likes prostitutes. You can have two in the front and two in the back!

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What do you call a chicken with no feathers, no guts, and no head? Fried chicken

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What did the cricket say to the fox? Cricket.

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Why did the chicken croos the road? It didnt, my father caught him and cooked him for dinner.

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What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

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Why did the old man throw the clock out the window? Because he didn't want to go to a store that could repair it, so then he thought that it was better off on his yard where it could compost.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Miaow. What did the dog say to the cat? Miaow.

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What do you get if you mix a baby with a blender? A prison sentence.

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whats worse than getting lost in europe? becoming the middle in the human centipede.

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whats a funny joke? nuthing nuthing at all

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Your mommas so stupid she decided to go to night school to better her self. She got a degree in business and finance and is now a manager for HSBC

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Why'd the gay man get fired from the sperm bank? He was repeatedly late to work.

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What's so similar about a zombie and a black man? They are both almost human.

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Roses are red,violets are blue, i love the colour red and green but its a pitty because im not so keen.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My grandmother has degenerative brain disease, We may need to euthanise her.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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