An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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A man walks into a pole and says "I know, this pun is lame"

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What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

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Do you know what the forest fire got for Christmas? Your house

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Why did Mia fall off of Lucy's bike? Because Lucy didn't like Mia and shot her in the face.

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Q. How many trees does it take to change a light bulb? A. Trees can't change light bulbs.

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What did Jesus say to the jews? Fuck you.

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Hello

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what's the difference between a pound of liver and vomit? £3.24

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A blind man walked into a bar. Quite literally.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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why did the black guy fall off a cliff? because he was a zombie

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What was going through the man's head on the 51st floor when the first plane hit? The 52nd floor.

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You are so dumb that you receive poor grades in school.

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knock knock. Who is there? You have. You have who? Your entire family in my basement.

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What did the dog say to the mailman? Woof.

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Wayne Rooney's face and intelligence.

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i just cant stand up to cripple jokes

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what do you call a girl that just took 15 loads to her face? sasha grey.

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Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. After being told politely that Big Macs were served at McDonald's and not Burger King, he walked out and drove to the nearest McDonald's.

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Why was the little boy sad? Both of his parents died in a tragic car accident.

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What did the man say to the other man. Hi

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'How do you make a plumber cry? Buy him a belt for Christmas.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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