There were two muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Does it feel hot in here?". The other muffin says back, "Holy crap! It's a talking muffin!".

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Knock Knock Who's there? Santa Santa who? Imwatching you!

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Why did the Cookie Monster go to the Doctor? Because He had an inoperable tumor in his lower intestinal tract.

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How do you cause ultimate pain to a imprisoned Jew during the holocaust? Moral: You give him an apple WITH a worm in it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? So he wouldn't become rotisserie with a side of hash brown.

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What's worse than getting no up-votes on an anti-joke? Getting down votes

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Why did the little boy fall down the stairs? I pushed 'em.

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Why'd Sally fall of the swing? Sally's a fish.

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What did the unicorn say to the horse? I have a horn and you don't.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well for a chicken to cross a road there would need to be a farm right next a road and, the fence in the farm would have to be torn for the chicken to get out and the chicken would probably end up not crossing the road because of cars.

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Q. What has 5 chins, 10 eyes, 10 feet, and 50 fingers? A. Five People.

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Q: why did the plain crash A: the driver is a loaf of bread

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what are you talking about. Nets are terrible. Lakers are going to be the best.

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What do you call someone who has slept for 48 hours straight? Dead.

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jimmy walked into a bar, then walked out crying and all desperate seeing his wife cheating on him with another guy sitting in the bar. he jumped in front of a bus and was taken to the hospital. He died due serious injuries. Turns out that it wasn't his wife but her twin sister that neither jimmy nor his wife was aware of her existence.

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Twitter: @TotalJokes: "So it's been 11 years since the planes hit the world trade centre, time really does fly by."

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How do you spot a paedophile in a playground? You don't, there are usually a lot of adults around.

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well use a tissue!

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall Humpty Dumpty is an egg so nobody cares

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Why did Kim Kardashian's and Kris Humphries marriage last so long? It didn't

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what do you say to a woman on her rags? nothing.try and ignore it.you didn't hear this from me and we never talked.

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What did little Ben's mom give him for Christmas? Nothing. She died last month

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Rap. Skate. Smoke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


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