What do you call a straight A student that takes 6 Vicodin's, 5 Percocet's, and 7 Adderalls? I don't know, but he will most likely die of drug overdose.

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I popped my head over my sexy neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini. "Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR." "Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?" "No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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How many people like gang rape? 9 out of 10

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Why did the black man grab and tie up the white woman? Because the white woman was a serial killer who has been on the FBI's most wanted list for killing children.

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Question: What is worse then a worm in your apple? Answer: A number of different things I would imagine...

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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2 men walk into a bar, the 3rd man ducks and ask them if they're ok

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Why was the blonde on the train tracks? Because she was tied up by a madman on crack.

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Dylan: "I dont understand anti-jokes"

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You can pick your friends you can pick your nose but you cant pick your friends nose.

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What do you call a man whos had his arms ripped off in front of you? An ambulance, because with an injury such as this, you can die anywhere between 10 and 45 minutes

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What is worse than banging your knee on the coffee table? Tripping over one of the legs and smacking your head on the floor, causing a severe concussion.

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My mom told me I was pretty, I know now that she is a liar.

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What do you get when you cross scabies with genital warts? Krusty Krabs.

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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You know you are really drunk if your blood alcohol Is higher than .08

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Why didn't the ghost go to the dance? He didn't exist.

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GINGERVITIS! 1. redhair 2.freckles 3.no soul 4.depression/anger 5.gay JLR

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What do you call a guy with a puppy, candy, and a windowless white van? You're next baby sitter.

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Man 1:Doctor Doctor, I've got 59 seconds to live! Man 2: This is a chemist

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What do you call a black woman that's blind and has 1 leg? Handicapped

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A Muslim, a Jew and a Christian are on an airplane talking about religion. The Jew tells the Christian he believes in a single holy entity. The Christian says he believe Christ is the Son of that very same entity. The Muslim says "When can I get out of this room?" because he's been detained at the airport due to religious profiling.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm using my hand but thinking of you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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