“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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What are the similarites between Autistic people and dead people? They are both very poor in social situations

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Why did the pregnant Mexican cross the border? Nobody knows. She was shot down on site.

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Two muffins are in an oven. After a set period of time, they finish baking and are enjoyed by the family who had made them. Two weeks later the eldest daughter contracts syphilis thanks to numerous sexual partners. She soon dies leaving her parents and brother depressed. Her brother is kidnapped by a viscous child predator and the mother commits suicide. The father gets a job with the New York Yankees. He is eaten by a genetically modified zebra.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a carrot? One's a human, the other's a vegetable.

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Hey, what do you call an absent-minded person? I'm sorry what did you say?

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Once upon a time there was a young teenager who was bullied a lot. She died 100 years ago.

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Why did the bear fall down? I shot it. Why did the second bear fall down? It tripped over the first one.

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Instructions to make origami. 1.) Staple bagels to face 2.) Ask someone else to do it. 3.) Hang yourself because you are too stupid to figure it out yourself

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It's better if you don't understand

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Who's gay? Justin Beaver

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How do you keep black people from your Kool-aid? How? You put it in a safe-deposit box.

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Roses are red, Metal is gray, Justin Beiber, is very gay

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Lebron traveled

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face" The horse responds "My daughter has cancer"

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson play with my brother anymore? Because he's dead.

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What's worse than leaving the maternity ward with the wrong child? Being a parent.

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What did the prizon cell mate get for christmas. Herpes!

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Q: The red house is to the left and the blue house is to the right. Where is the white house? A: 3 blocks down from the red house

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Q. How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Who knows? It's dark!

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Why was the unemployed dolphin trainer so sad? His life has no purpoise. In an unrelated topic, how is he unemployed id he is a dolphin trainer?

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Dylan F is stupid He goes to his cousins house Then falls into a pit Moves on

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I just wrote three jokes on antijoke.com ... nope, make that four.

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If you say "Hi" to every tree you pass, is that being environmentally friendly?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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