Why was the doctor unable to perform his surgery properly? Because he forgot his scalpel

An asian man walks into a bar and lights a cigarette. He is politely asked to leave due to smoking being prohibited indoors.

Whats the difference between a kangaroo and a kangeroot ? Ones a marsupial. The others a Geordie stuck in a lift.

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why Is the teen's sock crusty? he stepped in the glue that his little sister was using for her art project.

Why did the plane crash? Because a loaf of bread was the pilot.

What is green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree and onto your head, it will kill you? A pool table.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the stock market crashed 600 points today, and his retirement account took a hit. He can't afford his car anymore.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car. -Tag

Roses are red, Violets are blue, my dick is hard, and it's cumming for you.

What's worst than the finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust. What's worst than the Holocaust? Finding two worms in your apple. What's worst than finding two worms in your apple? Finding seven dead babies in a trash can. What's worst than that? Finding one dead baby in seven trash cans.

An Australian man walking in Manhattan is approached by another man who pulls out a switchblade and says, "give me your wallet or I'll stab you with this knife!" The Australian man hands over his wallet. A nearby police officer witnesses this the last moment of the mugging, arrests the criminal and returns the Australian's belongings.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and a dead baby? I don't make out with my girlfriend after sex.

Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? I'm a talking banana; what more do you want from me?

What do you get when you cross The Incredible Hulk and King Kong? Two angry fictional characters.

What grows on trees and is woody? Wood.

How do you make something disappear from your hand? Throw it somewhere that's out of sight,

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, "Sure is hot in here." The other muffin says, "AHHHH! A talking muffin."

What do you call a black man with big cuts on his arms? You call an ambulance to help him!

what do you call cheese that isn't yours? not your cheese, you probably stole it.

What's the hardest part about watching a 2 year old get hit by a bus? Trying not to laugh.

Knock knock who's there? the police, your under arrest the police your under arrest who? BAM! sir, I'm placing you under arrest for the murder of your wife, anything you say or do can be used against you. IT WASN'T ME!!!! yeah yeah tell it the judge

why did the little boy start to cry? because his parents didn't love him

What do you call a chicken who crosses a road? Nothing, its still a chicken

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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