Why was the pizza mad? Because he was going thorough a growth spurt and the testosterone got to him.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has a really long name.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why don't women drive more? Because statistically the man offers to drive more frequently

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? like most animals that wander onto the road, it was completely unaware that the road can be very dangerous. It didn't go onto the road on purpose, it simply treated the road as if it was just like the rest of the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Your big dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the black man kill himself? Because he had a very serious case of depression brought on by his recent divorce

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Is Barack Obama a dentist, a teacher, or the president of the United States? A dentist. He just happens to have the same name as the president.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? She had no legs. Why did noone help her up? She was fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How did the person die? He got hit by a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

knock knock who's there boo boo who why are you crying it's just a joke

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are red Violets are blue There's nothing else I want to say

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a fridge painted red and brown? A fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what looks about a computer which has two wheels? a bike. i lied about the computer...

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. One of it's legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Three girls are walking in the woods they see tracks one thinks it is a bear the other thinks it is a deer the last one thinks it is a lion They all argue till they get hit by a train and realized they were train tracks

thumb_up thumb_down +14

If you woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy, get tested. Immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the woman have no boobs? Breast cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why couldn't the boy watch the DVD about pirates? Because his mother did not understand the importance of putting the disc back in it's case after use, and as a result, has become too damaged for the DVD Player to play.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats the best part about having sex with 25 year olds? There 20 of them.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says: "I forgot to store nuts for winter, now i am dead."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why was Billy no mates? He had no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

sky silverstein

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walks into a bar and is slowly tearing his life apart. maybe because he is drinking poisonous acid instead of beer

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops