My dad weights 350 lbs. He decided to switch to diet soda.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible to try out for his school's football team. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson play with my brother anymore? Because he's dead.

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three peanuts where walking down a dark alley, one was asalted

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Why are black people afraid of chainsaws? Because chainsaws are powerful machines, capable of dismemberment and death when wielded by someone who wishes to cause harm

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Why did the ground beef taste funny? Because little Timmy fell in the grinder.

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A black man in a hooded sweatshirt is sprinting down a back alley. He is trying to get into better shape by exercising and knows a shortcut to his house.

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Why didn't the boy go to the bathroom? His mother was taking a well deserved bath.

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I had a chocolate chip cookie today, thats it, just a chocolate chip cookie.

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I knew a little girl once. She was ate before she was seven.

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What is the difference between an Australian and an Ethiopian? One is from Australia the other is from Ethiopa

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What is the difference between Switzerland and Sudan? One is in Europe the other is in Africa

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When is a door not a door? When it is ajar.

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Yo momma so fat that she was diagnosed with obesity and may need medical assistance in the future and will be reliant on you, her child.

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What's white and has a crusty nose? Luke Lange

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a man walks into a bar with a poodle stuffed halfway up his rectum... WHY ARE YOU WAITING FOR A PUNCHLINE!? MY GOD! THIS MAN HAS A DOG UP HIS ANUS!

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What do you get when you mix a teenager with a tanning bed? Cancer

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Doctor, Doctor. I think I've broke my arm! I'm going to refer you to the fracture clinic.

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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Yo momma so old that she has started to look into an affordable life insurance plan to ensure all her final expenses are taken care of.

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Who cut the cheese? It's sliced so evenly.

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Why couldn't Jesus get a driver's license? Because automobiles did not exist 2000 years ago.

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why did the girl chug her tub of frosting? she had no spoon

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Why did the pregnant Mexican cross the border? Nobody knows. She was shot down on site.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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