Jimmy comes home from school one day and goes to his mother. "Mommy, guess what?" "What?" "I had sex with my teacher today!" Naturally after hearing such news the mother gets appalled and tells her husband. "Well, that's my boy" he says "Now that your a man Jimmy we're going to go out and get some drinks tonight be ready in a half an hour." So they arrive at the local bar "Wait here son, you can sit down and save us a table and I'll go get the drinks ok?" "No dad I think I'll stand" "..why? What's the matter son?" "My butt hurts"

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A 65 year old man is tired with his life. He begins to realize that it is meaningless to him. He wants no part in the world anymore so he decided to commit suicide. On his way to commit suicide, he comes across a magical man that has an extraordinary offer. This magical man has offered to grant the 65 year old man the power to fly. The 65 year old man, accepts the offer in great interest, but the magical man wants something in return for his deed. The 65 year old man, offers all the money in his wallet to the magical man. The magical man accepts his offer of all the money and continues. With a flick of the wrist, the magical man says, "fly, fly, high as the sky, i grant this man the ability to fly". The 65 year old man is greatly excited now that he has the ability to fly. He cant wait to try out his new power. He runs to the nearest cliff and jumps. Too bad the "magical man" was really a male prostitute that was broke and homeless. The 65 year old man died on impact and the male prostitue walked away with a wallet full of cash.

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a guy walks into a bar. he suffered a severe concussion. BECAUSE THE BAR A POLE

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A professor of literature asked me, "Young Sir, why are you burning those books?" I replied, "Because I need a fire to cremate the bones of your 3 sisters that I violently raped and murdered" He smirked in a witty and arrogant fashion, until raising his head and saying, "Bond, James Bond" He continued to massage his dick with his own pubic hairs before collapsing and dying

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OSS ARE RED VIOLENTS IS BLUE U BELONG THE ZOO I WILL BE THERE TO BUT LAUGHIN AT U

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How many babies does it take to cover a roof? Depends on how thinly you slice them.

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why did rosa parks get moved to the back of the bus? she didnt call shotgun

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What do you call a black man that is on fire? A Man on Fire. The fact that he is black has no relevance in this situation.

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Your dad must be a drug dealer because I saw him in your kitchen snorting cocaine

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Q: You know what never gets old? A: The kids in a school shooting

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A horse trots into a bar. He is left with a bump on his head.

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Why did Little Timmy eat Smarties before school? Because he was hungry.

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what did little johnny get his grandfather for christmas?nothing his grandfather died on thanksgiving

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i saw amango it splootered

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What do Justin Bieber and Eminem have in common? They both need to get a life. I lied about Eminem.

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im gonna poop my pants. mom said to wipe afterwards i am a teletubby

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What does the ship say when it's cold? Shiver me timbers

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Yesterday i ate an owl with all the feathers on it

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. They then proceed to bake into tasty pastries which are then eaten for snacks or maybe a light breakfast.

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Q: How do you stop a black man from drowning? A: Quit peeing in his mouth.

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Why did the boy fall of the swing? He had no arms or legs

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What is the meaning of life? Bill Gates: Windows Donald Trum: Money Some poor kid:luck and rich parents.

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Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

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why did andy wake up this morning. because he wasnt tired anymore

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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