How many trees does it take to screw in a light bulb? Trees are incapable of screwing light bulbs

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Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability

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why did sally drown? because she had no arms or legs and couldn't swim.

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A boy is diagnosed with terminal cancer. His family prays for him and he still dies.

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Riddle me this, riddle me that. I'll eat your f^cking cat.

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Why did the boy get hit by a bus? HE didn't. He watched where he was going.

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Children and bretheren, stinky cheese Stinkyy cheeeese. Like this or you will smell stinky cheese in your bedroom

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two men write a poem one says quack the other says woof what is the middle of the number witch is amazing because who ever is reading this you are beautiful and have chucken food ion your cheek bone connected to the knee cap indeed i shall write on to you guys saying how lovley it is TO MAKE FIRENDS WITH CHICKENS

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What's white and can't climb trees? A fridge

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Why is Joe is ugly? I dont Know

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What did the man say to the butterfly? To the butterfly? Nothing. He was probably talking to himself.

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Why is the turkey always full? Because he is stuffed.

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A priest, a rabbi, and an iman all walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke? Muslims don't drink beer."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Grass is green, Clouds are white.

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A horse walks into the bar and says "why the long face?" The bartender replies "hey! I was supposed to say that!"

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If you know someone with the last name Schmidt. ALWAYS ask him to take a Schmidt on your chest

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To mama's so fat that her escape velocity in her surface exceeds 3*10^8 m/s

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what's blue , and you can urinate it? a rim block.

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Hey I've got two stories. This one and the next one.

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I man walks into a bar. He drinks four beers, gives the bartender his keys, and takes a cab home. The next day he gets his best friend to drop him off at the bar, picks up his car, and is three minutes early to work.

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roses are red that fact is true but violets are violet not fu***** blue

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What did the woman say when her boyfriend asked her to marry him? Idk my bff jill.

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A bar walks into a man... The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs. The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to be contained inside him, but he grits his teeth and forces his ass open wider. His ribs break, his lungs collapse, and his now lifeless body is stretched into the shape of the bar. The bar is almost entirely consumed before the man's skin gives way to the bulging pressure...with an explosion of blood & organs, the shredded remains of the man are slung-shot around the lot where the bar formerly stood. The bar, now soaked in a mixture of blood & organ fluid, reflects upon the failure of its experiment. For the next attempt, a man of far greater fortitude must be used, so that his body does not burst so easily. Only then will it achieve its dream of becoming the first bar to walk into a man.

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Son: "Mommy That Boy Over There Beat Me Up" Mom: Good I Like When You Suffer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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