What did the alcoholic tell his son? Don't do meth.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Mike Mike who? Just kidding, it's Danny. Oh okay, come in.

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How much signal does an Asian woman need to cut across 4 lanes? None

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There was a boy and..........his dad said to go to the store to get his daily thing.........he went to the store and bought it......he came home and said.....HERE ARE THE EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Three children had stumbled upon a magic slide. There was a sign on the slide stating that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "JELLY" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of jelly when he reached the bottom of the slide. The next child, so excited to go down the slide began sliding down. She shouted out "LOLLIES" and sure enough she landed in a large pool of sweets and chocolates at the bottom of the slide. Finally, the youngest girl in the group mounted the slide. As she was going down she was enjoying the slide so much that she shouted "POOS POOS" forgetting the rule of the magic slide and finally landing in a large pool of excrement.

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One day there was 3 bears, a papa bear, a mama bear, and a baby bear. They were out swimming when suddenly a girl comes over to their house and tries to sit down. She sits on the big chair and says "too big", then she sits on the little chair and says "too small" and then sits on the medium chair and says "just right". Suddenly, the bears come back. Papa bear: "somebody has been sitting on my chair!" Baby bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair too!" Mama bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair, and she still here!" The girl says "Hi my name is Goldilocks." After about few minutes introducing each other, they ate dinner and they all had a great time.

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What happened when the boy got sad He fell in a woodchipper

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Why did the man scream? He got shot in the eye with a nail gun.

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If you come to Anti-Joke.com to look at the Newest jokes please leave a comment. Thank you!

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My ex wife looks like a pitbull.

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Dwarf Shortage

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Three Blondes were walking when they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says they're deer tracks. The second blonde says they're elk tracks. The last blonde says they're moose tracks. While they are all arguing about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

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whats funny about four dead horses in a park ? the horses are dead!

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What did the cricket say to the fox? Cricket.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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A: What dose God listen to? B: Slayer. A: Trick Question, God=Slayer

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Why did the blond cross the road? She needed to get to the shop as she'd run out of milk.

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why shouldnt you throw a rock at a black guy on a bike? Just because its not very nice.

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Thats malarious! When something is so funny that... malaria

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Why did Jim go to the hospital? To get an autopsy.

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A guy walks up to his boy and tells him, "Hey, if you don't stop masturbating you'll go blind." The boy says, "Who are you? Your not my father."

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Why did the mexican cross the street? Because the next lawn to mow was in a different neighborhood

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What is yellow, has wheels, and lies on its back? A school bus in a terrible accident.

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what did the hobo as the other hobo? do u have any cheese?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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