- Anti Joke

Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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What do a tree and I have in common? We would both be mad if we got turned into paper.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Across the street was a strip mall containing a dry cleaners where he had to pick up his suit for his cousins wedding. The wedding caused controversy in the family considering she was jewish. He had a lot to drink and took a cab home, knowing the dangers of drunk driving in todays society. He had a great time.

A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

How do you punish Hellen Keller Move the furniture around

why do jews like money? So they can support their family.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

Jimmy Saville

Where did the little boy go on vacation? His mother's funeral.

I do like haikus even when they are random refrigerator

Ask me if I'm a car. Are you a car¿ Yes¡

Fact: Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people one will always disagree with the other nine.

What's the sexiest thing on a farm? It depends on what you find sexy, and your personal perception of a farm.

What's black, white and red all over? A race war

I ordered the "Anti-Joke" book Jk, waste of money

Roses are red Violets are blue Dandelions are weeds

KNOCK KNOCK whos there Malcom i dont know any Malcom go away!

How many filthy niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, because I killed off all the filthy niggers.

What's the difference between a baby and my trampoline? I take my boots off before i jump on my trampoline. . .

Why did the bird fall out of the sky? It had no wings.

Q: What happens when Lisa drops an iPad? A: She plays Desperado on the sax.

Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? She was blind.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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