If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

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What did Stevie Wonders wife do when they got into fights? Re-Arrange the furniture

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Why did the girl with a striped ball fall over? She was a victim of a drive-by shooting.

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Q: What's green and goes round and round and round? A: A baby on a blender

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Situation: 2 cows eating grass on a warm Sunday night. Question: Why does 9+4=3 1/2? Answer: 69!

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Why did the chicken cross the playground? Because he was looking for other chickens because he has no friends and he got bullied when he was in 12th grade. He got picked on because he was sledding down his hill in his backyard and he accidentally scraped one side of his face on ice and started bleeding. The next day his classmates started calling him two face.

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What happened when the engineering student studied for a physics final? They failed.

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A man realizes the whole time he has wanted to fly like a bird. His funeral was two weeks later

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"Hey! Did you get a haircut?" "No, I just started chemo..."

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My grandpa died in the holocaust. How? He had gas.

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Q. What did the chicken say to the buffalo? A. Nothing, this is an improbable predicament.

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What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot

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why are there so many peadofiles in the world? sexy kids.

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What's the difference between Republicans and Democrats? There is a series of boxes which one can choose to check on a ballot, officially registering an individual with a certain party. Available parties include the Green Party, The American Communist Party, The Republican Party, and the Democratic Party among others. Republicans choose to check the Republican box, Democrats choose to check the Democrat box. Also Republicans are closet homosexuals and Democrats are terrorists.

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What is the difference between a duck? A motorcycle because vests don't have sleeves.

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The Awkward moment when the world doesn't end

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Twelve men walk into a bar, and get stuck in the door because it's far too small for all of them to walk through at the same time.

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Whats big black and hairy? A large black dog.

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How do you kill a blonde? You shoot her.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not good at rhyming turd

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How many seals does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Depends on how high the ceiling is.

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The boy said to the priest, may God be with you. The priest responded with, "And also IN you".

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There's a blind man walking on the south coast of England. He walks off a cliff.

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There are two cows standing in a wide, green field eating hay. The first cow says: "Moo". The second cows says: "Thats funny, I was about to say that."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops