Jack be nimble, Jack be quick... Jack didn't make it over the candle stick and died.

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a read head, a brunet, and a blonde sneak into a merchant ship. security hears some noises and goes on to investigate. all three girls jump into banana sacks. security guard kicks the first sack with the read head in it and she growls like a dog, so the security sees its a dog and keeps on walking. he then kicks the sack with the brunet in it, she goes on to hiss like a cat. so then the security guard kicks the last sack with the blonde in it, and she yells out "bananas!"...the end

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Knock, knock. You do realize you can actually physically knock on the door instead of just imitating the sound effect with your mouth, right? It's actually way more effective that way. Just saying, since it's raining outside and you're cold and want to come in...

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I will create more jobs for americans

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How do you drown a black? - pop their lips

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? Well, the difference is quite obvious. one's a car, the other's a dead baby.

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You remind me of something What? Monday Why? Nobody likes you

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A Muslim on a plane yells out "Hijack!" Jack replies with "Hello" and the two engage in a casual conversation for the duration of the flight.

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life is like a rapist. sometimes they're nice other times, they ram you in the ass.

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civil rights

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What if your name was Mr. David and the office called you down and you were wearing a dress?

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How old are you? 7

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Why did Lindsay Lohan talk to her car? Because she's insane

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Why did the woman throw a stick of butter out her window? She was mentally unstable.

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A man walks into a bar. It was his push-up bar that he didn't install high enough. He bumps his head and it hurts.

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What walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and looks like a duck? Nothing. Ducks cannot speak, therefore this description negates all known living organisms.

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How do catch Lady GaGa's attention? Have a Bad Romance

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one of my friends died of heartburn today :( i cant believe gav is gone

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roses are red, violets are blue, open your legs and give me an hour.

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What do you call a guy named Bob hanging by a string? Plum Bob

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What happens when you put four drunk clowns and eight sober clowns inside of a clown car? Nothing, because the clowns realized that it's dangerous to operate a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol and decides to call a taxi instead.

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What do you call a dog that has no legs? It doesn't matter because he will never come.

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Whats 9 plus 10 ... WHO FREAKIN CARES! STUPID.

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A kid who lost parents is called an orphan and a wife who lost her husband is called a widow. What do you call parents who lost their child? Free on the Weekends.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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