What did the sailor say to the shore? Ur a beach!

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knock knock WHO'S THERE?! ARE YOU A SEX CRIMINAL?! NO ONE WANTS TO DO THAT TO YOU MUM!

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Why didnt the vampire have a reflection? You have to be real to have a reflexion

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One time i was sitting down

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Your mother is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it read quite a large number. She resolved to live healthier and exercise more.

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Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by two giant black scorpions.

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A Jew was walking home one night when two thugs leapt out of the darkness and demanded his money and other possessions at gunpoint. A reflection of how dangerous our streets can be at night.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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what did johnny's dad say to him after his baseball game? nothing because johnny's dad was an abusive alcoholic who beat him until the neighbors found out and called the police. the dad was arrested, tried in court then promptly thrown in jail were he was raped in the showers repeatedly by a very large and intimidating black man. he vomited suicide in his cell today by drinking drain cleaner

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What did the Muslim receive for Christmas? Nothing. Muslims don't celebrate Christmas.

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How do you get a Jew to jump off a cliff? You kidnap his family and threaten to kill them if he doesn’t.

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How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

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Why are apples cheaper than lemons? Because you have to pay less money then lemons to buy them

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Whats worse than a truck full of dead babies? A live baby trying to eat his way out.

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a black man walks into a shop, he buys his groceries, then leaves...

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How many amish does it take to change a lightbulb? Presumably only one, but since they do not generally use electricity it has yet to be tested.

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My life has been getting worse and worse since I developed cancer.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a tire iron? I've never forcibly expelled three tire irons from my vagina.

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Why did the man say "huh?" Because he didn't hear what they said.

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Roses are red, Violets are dead, I've climbed through your window, I'm under your bed.

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So mind telling me why you wont call me? And why, you know... Are you avoiding this condition of yours?

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Q: why did the black man kill the white man? A: he was clinically depressed, mentally unstable, and had a grudge against the white man that had nothing to do with his race.

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Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles there balls

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Why was Jenny alone? Everyone else had died in a zombie apocalypse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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