Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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How do you make a lumberjack cry? Kill his family

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DAVE : did you hear the one about the poster? MICHAEL: what?

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How many immature teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Your Mum.

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kathryn atkins

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Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? A: Those that wear them think that said earrings positively accentuate their physical appearance.

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What do you call a kid without any friends? A Sandy Hook survivor

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what do u call a joke with no punchline? A non-harmful joke

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There are two parrots sitting on a perch. One parrot says to the other parrot, "Do you smell fish?"

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Q: How do you get a blonde out of a tree? A: Throw a moneky at her

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what did batman say to robin before they got in the car get in the car

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what's the difference between an abortion clinic and my basement? there are more dead fetuses in my basement

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If a Cheetah and Usain bolt raced in the Olympics who would win? Obviously Usain hes black and cheetahs can't perform in the olympics

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What do Selena and Justin, Kate and William, and Barack and Michelle all have in common? Nothing.

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Have you heard the one about the Priest, the Pastor, and the Mail Man? -no, how's that go? Oh you haven't? That's too bad, it's really good.

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What is worse then dying of testicular cancer? Living of testicular cancer and having one amputated?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why? To get to your house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

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Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away? Because it could see and hear.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger....... unless it is a nonkiller disease that makes you extremely weak :D

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What did the women get after valentines day? An abortion.

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this isn't meant to be a joke, but just letting all of you know, inside jokes don't count and kony jokes aren't funny

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Joke below was made by Daniel Textor, he's a d i c k.

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How many infants does it take to paint a house? Forty-Seven.

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steven hawking walks into a bar just kidding he has a horrable disiese preventing him from walking

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops