How do you stop a lumberjack? You thrust a javelin through his lungs

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A horse walks into a bar. He politely holds the door for a young woman.

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WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

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Why is a bird when it flies? Because the higher it goes the much.

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Q. bob had 93 chocolate bars and ate 74 what does he have now? A. diabetes

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Knock knock! Just kidding.

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What do a bicycle and a platypus have in common? They both have wheels, except the platypus doesn't.

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Q: What would have been the easiest way to stop the second world war without killing anyone? A: Paid Hitler for his art.

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Q: What do you call a vacuum that doesn't suck stuff up? A: A broken vacuum.

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What did the woman say to the man before she had sex with him? "May I have sex with you, please?"

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What did the surgeon say to the patient? Nothing. The patient died on the table.

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Once there was an egg by the name of Steve. His name was Steve the Egg.

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What did the Firefighter say to his crew when they put out the fire.... - Let's go home.

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Q: What did the homeless man get on his Birthday? A: Hypothermia.

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A boy plays in his garden. Then he fall and his knee hurts a lot, but he doesn't cry. Do you know why? Because he's dead.

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What did the homeless kid get for Christmas? Hypothermia.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Rylan Clark

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Why did the Harry Potter fan cry in school? She ran out of tampons.

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what happened to the chicken who crossed the road he didn't realize that the light was green

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3 black guys are in the back of a car. Who is driving? A taxi driver

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane act

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What's yellow and smells like cheese? Cheese.

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Okay, hundred billions, and because I am fucking hungry, we make it perpetual, now the longer you keep the feeling going, the stronger and stronger and you know, trillions, indefillions, nondecillions, hell, make up your own numbers and just consider them higher. Bet its starting to feel pretty nice huh?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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