- Anti Joke

My Texting Convos: "Heyy!" "Hi!" "Watz up?" "nm hbu?" "Same here!" "Koolio!(: So wrud?" "Nothing. Just texting you!" "Yea! Same! I'm so bored! And tired!" "Ikr!" "Yupp!" No one answers. When this is what you really want: "I love you soooo much!" "Awwwwh!<3 I loe you too!" "Do you wanna go out?(;" "YES!!(:" "ily<3" "iyl2<3" convo goes on forever(: Moral: Purple tomatoes are books of yellow buttons on hands(;

Why did the Jews go into the shower? Because they had just finish a basketball game and they needed to freshen up.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." Then there is silence and a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says "I shot in the air and my friend heard it and moved. I think he's still alive." The operator says "Good that means he's still breathing and he's not dead."

(Insert short question here) (Insert long semi-irrelevant answer here)

Why did the old man throw the clock out the window? Because he didn't want to go to a store that could repair it, so then he thought that it was better off on his yard where it could compost.

A blonde and a brunette are walking down a street. What a great way to parade and recognise the various colours that lie upon ones head.

A man walks into the bathroom. He dumps cat shit all over the floor

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping, and pitch their tent under the stars. During the night, Holmes wakes his companion and says: 'Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce.' Watson says: 'Someboby stole our tent.' Holmes and Watson look at each other, shrug and go back to sleep. At least the thief kept their blankets.

Something other than a Human Being walks into a bar. The bartender then makes a rational decision about how to handle the situation.

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What did the blond say to the other blond? "I like your shoes."

What's the difference between a jew and a bottle of ketchup? People actually like ketchup.

Knock Knock I have a f*cking doorbell you asshole

Why did sally drop her drink? Because she was hit by a bus. Knock Knock. "whos there?" Not sally.

A man entered ten puns into a pun contest, hoping that one of them would win. Unfortunately, he came in third place and was discouraged by his loss.

bite me

Q: How do you catch a squirrel? A: Throw a fridge at it

If rocks were people, what would you call a bunch of marble rolling down a hill? Rocks don't have the ability to be people.

What is the weirdest way to get AIDS Having Sex

Q: What did the nazi say to hitler? A: You like my Auschwitz?

the awkward moment when your mom wakes you up and you realize she died six years ago

"HEY DUMB FU** THIS STUFF IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY!!!" SAID SIMON COWELL!!!

Obama = ebola

How did Helen Keller's parents discipline her? Hopefully not too sternly. There's not much trouble a blind and deaf girl can get into, one would imagine.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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