Q; why did the German ask the Jew to go in his shower? A; because the Jew had stayed the night at the Germans house.

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Your mother is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it read quite a large number. She resolved to live healthier and exercise more.

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When birds fly south for the winter they fly in a V formation. one side is always longer than the other. why is that? Because there are more birds on that side

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What do you call a black person who flies a plane? A pilot!

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What can be smooth but also rough? Endoplasmic Reticulum

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What do you call a horse with bread on its ears? Boris, because that's his name.

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What's the difference between and orange? The horse wasn't wearing a saddle.

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knock knock! whos there? me! me who? thats right! whats right? meehoo! thats what i want to know! whats what you want to know? me who? yes, exactly! exactly what? yes, i have an exactlywatt on a chain! exactly what on a chain? yes! yes what? no, exactlywatt! thats what i want to know! i told you--exactlywatt! exactly what? yes! yes what? yes, its with me! whats with you? exactlywatt--thats whats with me! me who? yes! Go away! knock knock.....

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Why was Cinderella so bad at ball? Isn't that sexist, making assumptions about Cinderella's sports capability when you have never seen her play sports before (because she is a fictional character) and then asking why this is true when you have no proof that it is in fact true? But I would guess the correct answer is (if she is bad at ball in the first place) that she never played ball before. Think about it. Why did you have to ask this question at all? Isn't it obvious?

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Did you hear about the man who played the lottery? He lost.

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A horse walks into a Bakery and asks "Do you have any wheat bread?", and the Baker replies "No, we only have white bread." So the horse says: "Thats okay, I rode my bike today."

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A man walks into his room with a DVD and a box of kleenex. The DVD is a wedding video of his now dead wife.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Jehovah's Witness

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HOW TO RE-AD : FOR DUMMIES. (HELLEN KELLER ADDITION)

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10% of car thieves are left-handed. 80% of chimpanzees are left-handed. Therefore, if your car is stolen, there's an 8% chance a chimpanzee is responsible.

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Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? depends on how hard you throw them

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What's black white and red all over A Nun after being pushed down the stairs

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whats the best part about ebola? nothing ebola is a dangerous virus

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven's bigger.

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Why did the man say "huh?" Because he didn't hear what they said.

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How many amish does it take to change a lightbulb? Presumably only one, but since they do not generally use electricity it has yet to be tested.

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How do you get a Jew to jump off a cliff? You kidnap his family and threaten to kill them if he doesn’t.

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do you know what Noah didn't bring on his arc? unicorns

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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