Q.What do you call a friend with benefits? A. a buck fuddy.

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What do you call an earthquake on Mars? There is not enough water on planet Mars for something like that to happen.

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What did the spider say to the lobster? Nothing, they are enemies and don't live in the same habitat.

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Uh, Liz, he is staring at the screen... He says you are right and knows, so he cant get mad, ill trust you both, but it better work, or this one is on me. Oh by the way, yeah he is eating, sorry its late here, and I am the only nurse here about now Ironically this place is full of doctors but they dont seem to give a crap about the man that pays their checks. Doctors said no, Nero said "you are fired" Doctor changes his opinion, glad to see he is taking charge around here, I am just worried about his sleep, he is beginning to halucinate and I doubt any stimulants will help. But fine, ill trust you, sorry, really shaking my boots here, I really do not want to, but this is not about me.

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Your name is Fired, your Boss comes up to you and says "Your Fired" You say "I know my name." Your boss gets mad and throws you in a chimney

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What isyellow and can't swim? a bulldozer

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What happened to the gun that was jammed? It didn't shoot.

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What do you call a horny horse? A unicorn.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Nobody is here, nobody would ever want to knock on the door of you. Yes, you. You reading these awful jokes.

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Q:How many pancakes can you fit on top of as doghouse? A:Purple. Because ice cream has no bones.....

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What did the orphan do on Mother's Day? He went to the cemetery

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What do you call a black man sitting on a porch? Relaxed.

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What happens if you're caught strangling a purple leprechaun? You are taken to a mental institution because you have schizophrenia

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What's the difference between a red shirt and a blue shirt? one is red and one is blue

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Why do elephant tusks stick out? For uprooting trees and bushes, and for defending their young.

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Roses are red Violets are blue If you are reading this Then it must be deja vu

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What worse than a baby nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

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have you seen Stevie wonders car? No Neither has he

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How many teachers would it take to find their way out of a maze? Depends on their area of speciality. If the teacher(s) are mathematicians or logicians, probably one or two at most. If they are home economics teachers, possibly more.

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why does her hair shine so nicely? she uses good shampoo.

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What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A Pilot

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April showers bring... tornadoes that kill families

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Did you hear about that man who ate 17 cheeseburgers?! I didn't.

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What did the horse say to the other horse? We are both horses

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops