Q: How many Jews can u fit in a bathtub? A: Well it depends if you use their ashes.

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yo mama's so fat, yo mama's so ugly; your mothers breasts sag with such severity that the late great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks

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My friend on xbox told me about this cool clan. I went to join but I didn't like to wear the white robes

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Yo mama so fat that you should maintain strong eye contact with her and not look at her body.

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what’s worse than 12 dead babies in one trash can? one dead baby in 12 trash cans

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Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? Because it was summer and the grass had extensive growth, so much so, that it proceeded to spread to his neighbors yard. His neighbor then called HOA, and thus, the unruly grass was taken care of.

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What's the difference between communism and race mixing? Zey come for our blood, but drown in zeir ovn!!!!!

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That awkwad moment when a homeless man runs naked around a golf cource yelling hears the 19th hole bitches.

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Why couldn't Bruce drive a truck? Cause Bruce was a Fish.

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A Priest a Rabbi and a duck walk into a bar. The rest of the patrons continue to drink until the situation seems less strange.

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Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins? Neither. Leaving aside the fact that two people would jump off a cliff in any kind of competitive context is highly improbable, due to the laws of physics objects fall at the same speed and therefore both people would hit the ground at the same time, meaning that, unless either of them deployed a parachute mid way through, they would, in fact, be in a dead heat.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A baby crawls into a bar. He cannot walk.

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Q: Why did Robin Williams kill himself? A: Because he was jealous of all the attention that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was getting.

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Sorry we dont serve time travlers here. A man walks into a bar.

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why did the man commit scuicide because he was depressed

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What's worst than finding a worm in your apple Finding half a worm in your apple .....

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What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

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Whats big and blue and white and if it falls from a tree its sure to kill you. A fridge with a denim jacket on.

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A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. The rabbi says "ow my head"

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? He was shot in the head. Plus the fact that it was his first attempt on a bike made it highly unlikely to succeed anyway.

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What's the thing that freaks guys out the most? When you're about to have sex with a girl and it turns out she had a penis and it's bigger than yours

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How do you acquire a bomb? Go to the bomb store.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "I have a gambling problem."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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