How do you turn a piece of meat into a vegetable Break her neck

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I spilled spot remover on my dog, now hes gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a man sitting at the bar drinking alone? An alcoholic.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A black man wearing a belt. Oh, he has a shoelace!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

An IRS agent named Harold Crick finds that he has the ability to hear a narrator comment on every moment of his life. He later becomes institutionalized in the Schizophrenic ward.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What is the only non-racist animal? The mexican panda. Why? It's black, white, hispanic, and asian.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar. Homo-sexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual panda just have piece?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, some dont

thumb_up thumb_down +4

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do prevent a nun from walking through a revolving door? Put a spear through her head.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the Asian woman late for work? She was raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many teachers would it take to find their way out of a maze? Depends on their area of speciality. If the teacher(s) are mathematicians or logicians, probably one or two at most. If they are home economics teachers, possibly more.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A woman walks in a confessional booth and proceeds to tell the priest about how she killed and ate her baby in a fit of hysteria because she is having issues dealing with her fresh divorce. The priest does not call 911.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a horny horse? A unicorn.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What happens when you Shoot a guy with a red Shirt On? He Dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the woman say to her abusive husband? You're hurting me.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Does Geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance? No, it's a scam.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's a pirate's favorite video game? Pirates lived in a time before such technology existed

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's the difference between Megan Fox and a dead baby? I'll eat Megan Fox before I fuck her.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the blonde walking funny? She had a ten foot long metal bar shoved up her butt, and it was very painful to walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a griraffe and a duck who's favorite colors are both purple? A coincidence in which two unrelated species have the same preference in colorant hues.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding out your boyfriend's gay

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What advice did the cat give to the man? Nothing because it's a cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 beat the crap out of 8.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops