My house is on fire I'll probably die posting this joke

Q: I have a bed, but never sleep, I have a mouth, but never speak. What am I? A: Stephen Hawking

What did the guy say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

I will see it when I believe it, as far as your order or whatever goes, I have already taken a look, and its nothing for me, you hide behind idealism yet use cruel methods and inhuman tactics in order to justify your means, you hide behind a shell of fucking "charm" and employ people to harass others. YOU ARE NO FUCKING BETTER THAN THE REST! YOU ARE BENEATH ME! As for that sister fucking bullshit, joke is on you, I do not have a sister! I bet that was one of your fucking "Nero`s" all six billion of your fucking personality disorders. Moral: I am the FUCKING MORAL MAN! And while I do not have a sister to rape, ill get down with yours.

I was there when Lebron James hit a home run to win the Super Bowl.

How did the Jewish man play racquetball? With a racket and a birdie.

What did one ginger say to the other? W are both gingers.

How do you find the richest person in Mexico? You take a survey of all citizens that live in the country of Mexico, find the wealth of each individual person, and whoever has the most money is the richest person in Mexico.

How do you call a black person in KFC? By a Phone.

Whats the difference between a dog and a piranha? Their names.

The umpire asked the baseball coach "Who is that on 1st base?" The baseball coach said "Who." The umpire said "Yes, that's what I'm asking." The baseball coach handed the umpire a list of his players to avoid any further confusion.

Your momma is so fat, she doesn't have a birthday. She has a birthweek.

Q: What's worse than a pile of dead babies in a truck? A: A pile of dead babies in a truck with one alive in the middle eating his way out.

Person 1 - Did you know there is only evidents of killer whales killing in captivity Person 2 - tell that to my uncle Pete... He's deaf

What time is it? If I hadn't poked your eyes out, you might know.

Why did bethany fall off the swing She had no arms Knock knock Who's there? Not Bethany

Want to hear a joke? No.

Jim: You wanna hear a funny joke? Tim: Sure Jim: Well, if you want a funny joke, this isn't the place to be.

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two but I don't know how they got in there.

Once a upon a time there was a boy whom likes cheese. The boy: I like Cheese and thats the end of the story

What do you get when you cross a gay man with a chainsaw? A decapitated homosexual.

knock knock Who's there Rick Rick who Your wife's boss she got into an on the job accident and will never walk again... I'm sorry but your insurance doesn't cover the injury.

How come the man could read the directions? Because it was right side up.

What's another word for Manslaughter? My new Hobby

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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