Q: How many Jews can u fit in a bathtub? A: Well it depends if you use their ashes.

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't going to come.

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What's worse than a baby on a pitchfork? Two babies on a pitchfork.

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What does the Bill in Bill Clinton stand for? Bilious.

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Two pen state administrators walk into a butt

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What's black and hangs from a tree? A tire swing.

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A man asked a horse "Why such a long face?" The Horse replies "My entire family just died in a plane crash."

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What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

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what's the difference between a pound of liver and vomit? £3.24

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What's worse than the holocaust? Dropping your biscuit in your cup of tea.

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A panda walks into a bar, orders some bamboo shoots, and bamboo leaves, and eats them

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Roses are red, Violates are blue. I have an erection, and its lasted more then three hours

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Why are leprechauns so happy? The grass tickles their balls

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Q: What do you call a colour blind person that smells like green paint? A: A painter

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What is the defference between Obama and an American? Obama doesn't have a birth certificate.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

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Q: Why did Robin Williams kill himself? A: Because he was jealous of all the attention that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was getting.

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why did the man commit scuicide because he was depressed

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That awkwad moment when a homeless man runs naked around a golf cource yelling hears the 19th hole bitches.

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Sorry we dont serve time travlers here. A man walks into a bar.

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A baby crawls into a bar. He cannot walk.

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Why couldn't Bruce drive a truck? Cause Bruce was a Fish.

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A Priest a Rabbi and a duck walk into a bar. The rest of the patrons continue to drink until the situation seems less strange.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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