An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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What is black, tastes like crap, lands in a toilet, feels soft and mushy, sometimes red, blue, yellow, purple and pink, feels very heavy. eats cookies, drinks soft drink and lights fires? A fat person in a coloured suit.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We have STD's, Now so do you!

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Why did the pengoon cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken

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Knock Knock! Who's there? My arm! My arm who? My arm is everywhere!

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David walks into a bar. Someone shoots him. Now hes dead.

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What do you do when you have a baby and your being shot by a terrorist. You use the baby as a shield.

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Q: Are their Jews in Hell? A: No, because Hitlers there

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Who is Jim Wonderbread? A whorrible person

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What did the white man say to the black bartender? I'll have a pint please.

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"What did one Chinese say to each other" "I don't speak chinese.......!"

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You're so retarded that people make fun of you and you laugh with them because you don't understand and just want some friends.

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With all due respect, I do underestimate myself, there is not a single person I know that has not told me that, but if I wanted to, I would not even had to make the effort to have you removed, hell I had to pull favors and owe people things in order to keep you safe. I could have said the rest of you, but had I not known you, had you not been one of my co-workers back then, I would not have gone to the extremes that i did, you are beautiful, but what does that have to do with anything? Do you think that if I did not know you I would go "that one is sexy, release her?" Even if I did, I do not have authority, I work for them.

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I like to rape children, then kill them, eat them and defecate them into a toilet

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A muslim man with a long beard and wearing a turban and robe boards an aircraft with a large suitcase. The plane later arrives at its destination a few minutes past the estimated arrival time due to bad weather.

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What's sad about a guy jumping off a cliff? The cliff.

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Rose are red, Violets are blue Your cat is dead Turkey

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whats worse than someone on the phone during a movie? your mother queefing on your bowl of cheerios

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Ask me if i'm a fish. Are you a fish? Do I look like a fish?

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Who's on first? Garvey.

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a guy walks into a bar. he buys several drinks, ends up drunk, and crashes into a coffee shop with a goat in the backseat.

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Q: Whats black and green and goes 100 mph? A: A black and white car going 100 mph.

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A black man, a Mexican man, a white man, an Asian man, a priest, a rabbi, and a prostitute walk into a bar. It was a very popular bar.

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Q: How do you confuse a blonde. A: Put her in a circular room and tell her to pee in the corner. Q: How does a blonde confuse you? A: She says she's done.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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