My grandmother just called to tell me she was dying................. to have sex with me.

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A turtle walks into a bar. The bar tender says "what will it be?" the turtle doesnt reply because its a turtle and the bar tender is sent to a mental hospital for talking to turtles.

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What's a vampire's favorite dessert? Vampire's don't exist What's Helen Keller's favorite dessert? Helen Keller doesn't exist

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A Jew was walking home one night when two thugs leapt out of the darkness and demanded his money and other possessions at gunpoint. A reflection of how dangerous our streets can be at night.

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What is your favorite color???? My mom I got u s o godd.

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Why did the man drive a van? So he could keep the stuff he stole.

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Killing your friend as a joke.

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A nun, a jew, and a black walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

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There was a boy named Steven, a son of a rich business man. Steven was an interesting child though, as he always kept care to one of his possessions. That possession being a plain, old, brown box. On Steven's fourth birthday his father said he could have anything in the world he wanted, just name it. Steven said he wanted two quarters to put in his box. The father agreed and gave his son two quarters to put in his box. Every year the father would say he could have anything he wished for, and Steven just asked for two quarters. Nothing more. On Steven's 18th birthday he got into a severe car crash. The father stood over the hospital bed where Steven lay. "I can get you the best doctors in the world. They can save you, please let me get you this for your birthday!" The boy shook his head. "All I want is two quarters" Steven replied. The father was distraught. "Son, tell me why you've wanted these two quarters every year you have been alive instead of anything else in the world". The boy complied. "Fine I'll tell you." Then Steven died before he could tell the father. The End.

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What is square, brown, and smells funny? A box with a dead body in it.

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Why did Romney loose the election? Because Obama had more votes

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What did Batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile Get in the batmobile

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What does a spider Pig do? Nothing. They dont exist.

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Whats worse than being out in the cold? Having cancer.

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Q: What's worse than finding out yor girlfriend is a guy? A: He had sex with your dad.

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Why is the old lady crying? I threw a fridge at her.

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Whats the worst thing about dying? Your not alive anymore.

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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What was funny about the Halocast? Nothing, thousands of innocent people died

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Why did the chiken cross the road? idk, i can't talk to chikens

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Why did the old lady talk to a tree? She had Alzheimer's and was going to die.

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What's Brown and Sticky? A Stick

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whats better than a girl getting hit by a car? a girl getting hit by a car with my dick in her

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Coach walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, i can't serve you. You aren't wearing pants. Coach says "put it on my bill."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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