Roses are red So are you Cause you killed my dreams So I killed you

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I don't know why.

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What do you get when you cross a badger and a paper bag? The badger is cross of course but the bag is inanimate and can't be angered.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, I'm blind.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Girl Scouts selling cookies! I'm not legally allowed within 500 yards of you. Please get off my property.

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how do you know if an asian gang has been to your house? 1. your computer is unplugged 2. your homework is finished 3. they are still trying to back out of the driveway

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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2 muffins were in the oven when one turned to the other and said. "Damn it's hot in here" The second muffin looked at him with a shocked expression and exclaims "She's burning the potatoes!"

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What has two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog.

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What's the difference between and orange? The horse wasn't wearing a saddle.

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Q.What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, no head, and no blood in his body? A.Dead.

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Faith, Family, Friends, those are three words.

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I'm trying to find out how many people in the world have Alzheimers, do you? No. Bananas.

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You know why they call me Scuba Steve? Because I Scuba Dive.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Ken. Can I some and use your toilet, I really need a shit.

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Knock knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness

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An Iranian, a Mexican, and an American are on an airplane. The plane is too heavy to take off, so to lighten the load, each person has to throw off something their country has a lot of. The Iranian throws off a nuclear bomb. The Mexican throws off a sombrero. The American throws off an apple pie.

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what do you get when you cross a puma and a turkey? A horrible abomination of life that begs to be killed.

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why did the hobo want cancer so badly? he really needed a haircut

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Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan?

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If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound? It depends on how sound is defined

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hey guess what? what ur gay! how did you know ive been in the closet for 5 years!?

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Why was the uneducated black guy raped? To make this joke more risky and therefore funnier.

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Why did the man cross the road? Because he was applying for a job that's building was located on the other side of the street.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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