Your mama's so stupid she brought syrup to the quidditch world cup because she knew there would be quaffles!

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A man walks into a bar. He goes up to the Bar Tender and says, "Hit me with all you got!" The bar tender then ducks down under the bar out of sight. He comes back up with a sledge hammer and viciously murders the man. Blood spews everywhere and many others are brutally murdered shortly afterwards. :)

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a young boy once lost his mind and then his parents weeped because their son had been decapatated in a horrible motorcycle accident caused by a drunk who had just killed his wife and children and was running from the cops....

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Why did the Chinese family eat a dog? Because they were poor and starving refugees.

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whats flat and useless? the walls of an abandoned house where land prices are increasing and properties are in high demand

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Women don't have penises. Am I the only one who can't get over how WEIRD that is?!?!?

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How do you wake up lady gaga Set her alarm clock to an appropriate time

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On a scale of 1 to Lord Voldemort, how awkward would you say your hugs are?

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Why don’t stores sell mouse-flavored cat food? It’s a matter of marketing; tuna, chicken and liver flavors sound much more palatable to the humans buying the pet food.

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How many finger does a normal person have? 8...and 2 thumbs!!

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Why did the little boy cry and run home from the store? Because the store was out of pickles.

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what is the difference between a blond and a red head? one is has blond hair and one has red hair

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Why did the deer cross the road? It didn't, the animal species is incapable of having a logical reason to possessing the will to cross a road. ruhtard

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Why was the teenage girl pregnant? She got raped by her dad.

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Indians

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What did Hitler get his son for Christmas? An Ez-bake oven and a GI Jew

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A bunch of teens were egging the house of their science teacher for giving them homework over break. They got caught by their teacher's ex-husband and he told them, "She broke up with me for telling her she was being too hard on her students. So, my friends, egg on!!!!!"

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a blonde, brunette and a red head are all goin to jump off a bridge and turn into something. the brunette jumps and says fish, and she turns into a fish. the red head says eagle and bacomes an eagle. the blonde gets a running start, but then trips on the way off and she says shit and turns into shit.

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WHat did the Somalian girl get for Christmas? AIDS

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I'll take a Reuben, light sauce, and could you do Provolone instead of Swiss?

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How do you make a tissue dance? Tissues are inanimate objects, they cannot dance and thinking otherwise is foolish.

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What did George Bush say when 9/11 happened? "Silly pilots! The airport isn't in a building!"

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What device will find furniture in a poorly lit room every time? An infrared camera.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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