what has 2 legs and no eyes? A decapitated cat with only its lower half remaining

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A man walks into a convenient store and asks the cashier where the toilet paper is. She says aisle five. He goes down aisle five and there's no toilet paper.

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Why was the black man out of a job? because he was recently laid off and had not found any job offerings that he would be interested in

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A man punches a 3rd grader in the stomach. Not long after he is arrested and no longer is allowed within 500 feet of a public school.

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Guy: Roses are red, violets are blue, you're beautiful and sexy too. Girl: Roses are red violets are blue, how many girls have you told that to? Guy:... Girl: Exactly.

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What is the best way to eat a dead baby? I don't know. That is incredibly disgusting.

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A blond, brunet, and redhead were stranded on an island. With in a week they all died of starvation.

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A Muslim, a Buddhist, and a Christian are on a plain. They have to jump off for some reason. The Muslim straps a bomb to his chest, jumps out of the plain, and screams "AHLA AKBAH"!!!! The Buddhist jumps out and says save me heavenly Buddha. A giant golden hand catches him and lightly places him on land. The Christian says "aw hell with this" and jumps out, then says "save me heavenly Buddha". The giant golden hand places him down gently on land. The Christian then says "thank god". The giant golden hand comes back down and kills him.

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What do an elephant, and a banana have in common? Neither one is an ambulance.

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Why did blonde drown? As a child a child she never learned to swim since she did not enjoy swimming.

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How do you drown a blonde? Weigh her down and throw her into a body of water.

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What do you call a girl who has recently been raped? Dead

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if there is a circle of fat people and you throw a cookie in the middle of the circle. It will be the best game of hungry hungry hippos you will ever see.

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Chuck Norris and Bane recently had a fight on a bet. The result was Bane won easily as he is the much bigger and stronger man, and Chuck Norris lacks the skills he once possessed as a younger man as he is now 72 years old.

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What do you get when you cross a leopard and Chuck Norris? I don't know. Probably something like a furry yellow Chuck Norris with black spots and sharp teeth.

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Three men walked into a bar the other one ducked. SI

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A man is driving the speed limit of 55 on the highway. He gets pulled over and the cop says, "Do you know how fast you were going sir?" The man replies "Well yes I was going 55, the speed limit." The cop says, "No you were going 80." The speedometers broken.

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What did the penguin say to the tiger? I'm in the wrong country.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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Ok soo theres a Jewish Guy, a Christian Guy and a Gay Guy. The Jewish Guy goes Amen The Christian Guy goes Ámen The Gay Guy goes Ammeeeennn

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Who is fat, stupid and pretty dam ugly? (hint: look in mirror)

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A lepord can carry two times its weight into a tree, i dont have a joke for this yet but youll leave here learning something.

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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What do you call a dog with no legs Nothing it won't come

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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