Why did the plane crash? Because he pilot was a loaf of bread

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12/23/2012

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Did you hear about the guy who fed his dog his baby? No Oh

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Why was the man crying? He has aids.

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why did the alien eat the cow? peer pressure

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My heart skipped a beat, I'm dead.

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Relax, close down the place, he wont get very far. The rest of you better stay inside, and I promise you will all remain safe and secure.

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Guess what? You guessed it.

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How are grapes and squirrels similar? They're both purple. Except for the squirrel.

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A blonde heard that 90% of all crimes occur within a one-mile radius of the home, so she had a security alarm installed.

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Two rolls are hanging on a wall..... On falls down and the other ones name is Erwin

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You're on a bus and the driver is black, you're white friend turns to you and says, We're gonna have a race on the highway!

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What do you call a bug stepped on 47 times, then burned to a crisp? Dead

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You are joking right?

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A rooster lays an egg on the tip of a roof. Which side does it fall to? Roosters don't lay eggs

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Two dogs went out for a walk. Then their master took them home.

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Help me I need to know how to cook a human fetus by tomorrow does anyone know any good recipes?

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A blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who hits the ground first? The one that jumped first

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What's the difference between a duck? One of its legs are the same.

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What did the German say to the Rabbi? Hello. The German was also Jewish

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Q: What Did Alakazam Use To Listen Gangnam Style? A: He Used Psybeam.

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A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A hat

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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