There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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what did i do after u pinched me? i killed everyone

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A man has a meeting with his doctor and his doctor says "I have some bad news, you have cancer and you have alzheimer's," to which the man replies... "Well at least I don't have cancer." This is an example of a fallacy claim.

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A man walks into a bar and at the bar he sees this guy with a blue head. He asks the man with the blue head if he can buy him a drink. The man with the blue head says "sure... you want to know about the blue head don't you?" "Yes i do" "Okay it all starts with a genie, he gave me 3 wishes, the first wish was to have a beautiful wife and a house to put her in, the second wish was for a ton of money, and the third wish was for a blue head."

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What did Osama Bin Laden say to Hitler? Nothing, because they clearly never made contact with each other, owing to the fact that Osama was born approximately 13 years after Hitler had committed suicide

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Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Only musicians will understand.

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2 biggest lies I have read and agree to the Terms of Service - View Terms of Service and That baby dont look like me

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What did the penguin say to the peacock? Die, you homosexual!

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What did the baby do when it crossed the rode? It didn't get across it got hit by a car.

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What's black and white and red all over? Michael Jackson after his operation.

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why did the kid sit alone at lunch? he had no friends

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what is the opposite of 2x +3x?

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How does a cancer patient bathe? He can't because he lives in an arid climate where water is scarce.

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What time is it when you run out of ice cream? Time to get more ice cream.

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Hey girl, do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I dropped one and I can't find it.

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Why was the black person assassinated behind a drug dealers house? He was purposely shot in the leg and bled out before he could make it to help.

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what did the history teacher say to his class? Get your books out.

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What is the last thing to go through a flies head before it hits a windshield. Nothing because flies aren't capable if rational thought.

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If life throws you lemons, get under some shelter so you don't get pelted by flying fruit and worry about making lemonade later.

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How does Lady Gaga like her meat? As a dress.

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What did the penguin say to the polar bear? Nothing, penguins haven't evolved a complex form of language.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being brutally murdered as you are watching your guts spilling out of your body

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Roses are niggas Violets are niggas I'm lil Wayne niggas rhymes with niggas

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Knock knock? Who's there? Not Schrodinger's cat, or is it?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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