Did you hear why the peanut got arrested by walking next to another peanut? One got a-salt-ed

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartenders asks "Why the long face?"

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My neighour knocked on my door at 2.30am last night, can u believe it? 2.30am? How rude I thought. Luckily I was still up, playing drums.

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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What is worse than being killed in a car crash? Having your girlfriend in the car with you.

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A mexican, Japanese, and American man are eating lunch one day at work by the window. The Mexican says, "Wow! If I get a taco one more time for lunch, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The Japanese man says, "Wow! If I get a bowl or ramen one more time for lunch, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The American says" If I get grilled cheese one more time, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The next day, the mexican jumped off because he got a taco. Then, the japanese man jumped off for getting ramen. Then, the American jumped off for getting a grilled cheese sandwhich. At the funeral, the mexican wife said, "Oh if i knew he was gonna jump, I would'nt have packed it." The japanese wife said, "If I knew he was gonna jump, I wouldn't have packed it either." The American wife didn't say anything because she was hit by a bus.

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How do you make a little boy cry? Cut off his legs.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To warn the people on the other side that the sky was falling Why did the cow cross the road? cause he had mad-cow disease Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? Cause he's Chuck Norris Why did the Mexican Cross the road? He was on His way to America Why did the black man cross the road? He was walking to his car, racist....just kidding, he was on his way to rob a bank Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass

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A baby crawls into a bar. He cannot walk.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

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Did you hear about the guy that lost the whole left side of his body? Well, he's all right.

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Robocop The Reboot reboot. Watch as The friendly robot named Murphy, is violently broken down by a horrible shower of water, the only means to save him is to transfer his data into a human. He awakens again as Robofriendlydude (starring Adam Sandler) as a robot learns to love, learns to share, learns to dance with children in this years Reboot of the classic love comedy Robocop. PG-3 "So good I could only watch five seconds of it" Rotten potatoes. 99 percent fresh. "Kill me with a chainsaw" Honest reviews. "AWESOME!" Dishonest reviews "Makes Twilight seem like the better lovestory" Everyone.

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What do you call an earthquake on Mars? There is not enough water on planet Mars for something like that to happen.

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Your mother is so fat, that she was instructed by her doctor to go on a low carbohydrate, high protein diet to reduce the risk of heart disease later in life.

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That awkward moment when the moment is awkward.

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How did the chicken cross the road? Assuming the vehicles yielded to the chicken, it looked both directions before crossing then proceded across the street while staying between the crosswalk lines until it had reached the other side of the road.

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What's the object with the most points according to science and math? A sphere.

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What goes up a hill with four legs and comes down the hill with five? A creepy animal that grows legs when it goes down hills.

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Do you know what one golf ball said to the other? Nothing they are lifeless objects

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What did Jesus say to the jews? Fuck you.

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What do you call a Pakistani flying a plane. 9/11

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We've just had sex, Now you have aids too....

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A morbidly overweight baby eats horse poop and dies a slow horrible death

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White men's rights

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops