A man walks into a bar, He is a severe alcoholic and is slowly drowning himself in booze. The man exits the bar after several hours of heavy drinking and walks home. He enters his home to discover a man in bed with his wife. After the first ten seconds of paralyzing rage, he grabs a .44 Magnum and brutally murders his wife and her bed mate. The man realizes he has woken up his two month old, and after thinking of the horrible act he has committed, he promptly raises the pistol to his temple and pulls the trigger. Oh, I almost forgot, the man was schizophrenic and has never been married.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, seeing as the slaughterhouse was directly across the road from the farm where the chicken lived, the man who owned the farm led his flock of chickens across the street when they were of age and fattened up so that they could be inhumanly massacred in order to process an order of chicken nuggets.

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Why couldn't the kid get into see the pairate movie? It was rated PG-13 and he was only 11. Plus he had no money and his mother didnt want him watching movies like that.

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How do you make a penguin fly? You strap it to the roof of a plane.

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Roses are red violets are blue I have alziemers banana cookie!

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was black.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Meow

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A man walks into a bar, he then proceeds to purchase his favorite alcoholic beverage.

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people say i have big feet but you know what the say about people with big feet? :) big socks. sl

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What's brown and rhymes with poop? Dr. Dre.

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A man is watching a football game and sees a comercial for a medicine that boosts testosterone levels. However, this man has no issues with his testosterone levels, so he proceeds to watch the rest of the game and then goes to bed.

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What makes George Michael gay? The fact he engages in sexual intercourse with other men.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? ...because chickens love to confound people.

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what time does the japanese guy go to the dentist? well his appointment was for 11:30, so he might show up approximately 5 minutes prior to the appointment time, just to make sure everything goes steadily as planned

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What do you call a woman with two black eyes? Irish sunglasses

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What do you get when you cross a Zebra with a Sheep? Hounded by a religious group for playing God.

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Why didn't the mexican have a job? because he was working on his masters degree

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was a turkey, idiot.

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Every 5 seconds a child dies in Somalia. Good news is there are 4 second intervals when a child isn't dying in Somalia. I say kill them all

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What do you call an office worker with no arms or legs? A paraplegic.

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What do you call a white sheep with no legs? A cloud What do you call a black sheep with no legs? A shit.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? To get to the other side!

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What did the comedian say when he fell off the cliff? Nothing; dead beings are incapable of performing actions.

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I stabbed a person. No seriously, I just stabbed them. There's no punchline. Just Just Stab wounds.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops